Nick Epley, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago, explores the transformative power of deep questions in communication. Mandy Len Catron, a creative writing professor, reflects on her viral essay about questions that foster love. Together, they discuss how intentional dialogue can create lasting connections and enhance emotional bonds. The conversation highlights the significance of authenticity and vulnerability in relationships, with practical tips for engaging in deeper conversations in everyday life.
Asking deep questions enhances communication by fostering vulnerability and openness, facilitating stronger connections between individuals.
The Fast Friends Procedure shows that escalating personal inquiries can significantly increase the likelihood of establishing lasting relationships.
Deep dives
The Power of Asking Deep Questions
Asking deep questions can significantly enhance communication and connection between individuals. Psychological research reveals that individuals often engage more meaningfully when prompted with personal inquiries, such as discussing emotional experiences. These types of questions foster vulnerability and openness, allowing strangers, like those at a hedge fund conference, to share intimate moments that break traditional barriers of conversation. Experiments have shown that sharing such personal stories can create a powerful bond and even lead to friendships, highlighting the transformative impact of meaningful dialogue.
The Journey to Intimacy Through Personal Stories
A personal story shared by Nick Epley illustrates how asking why can be more impactful than merely lecturing, especially when addressing sensitive topics. After facing the consequences of his actions, Epley’s parents shifted their approach from lecturing to asking him questions about his choices, prompting deeper self-reflection and facilitating a more engaging conversation. This change not only helped Epley reassess his behavior but also strengthened his bond with his parents. Thus, the cascade of self-disclosure initiated by simple yet profound questions can evoke meaningful exchanges that promote understanding and introspection.
The Fast Friends Procedure and Its Impact
The Fast Friends Procedure comprises 36 escalating questions designed to foster closeness between strangers, revealing the science behind building connections. This method has shown that after engaging in these questions, a significant percentage of participants sought further contact with their partners, illustrating the effectiveness of deep, reciprocal self-disclosure. The experience of individuals who followed this process highlights a universal desire to be known and understood, driving the success of interpersonal connections. In practice, integrating such questions into daily life can lead to richer and more fulfilling conversations, making this approach applicable in various social situations.
Why are some people able to talk with just about anyone—about almost anything? One answer may lie in the questions we ask—and how deeply we ask them. Stick with us here…
In this episode, host Charles Duhigg examines why deep questions are so powerful and how to ask them in everyday life.
He talks to Nick Epley, psychology professor at the University of Chicago and lifelong researcher of deep questions. And we catch up with Mandy Len Catron, 10 years after she wrote the viral New York Times article “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.”
This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators.
Supercommunicators was produced by Derek John and Sophie Summergrad.