Why So Many Men Never Grow Up — and How Sobriety Forces You To

What happens when you finally grow out of a version of yourself that no longer fits?

 

In this intimate conversation with poet Roberto “Bert” Pastori, we explore the messy, chaotic, beautiful journey from drinking as an identity to discovering a life defined by consciousness, creativity, and genuine connection.

 

Bert and I dig into why alcohol felt like freedom when we were young, how masculinity traps men into emotional silence, and what really happens when you outgrow your friend group but stay in the same body, the same culture, and the same expectations.

 

This one goes deep into identity, community, fear, creativity, and the Liquid Lie that tells us alcohol is necessary for art, love or belonging.

 

If you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to “leave things behind” — or why becoming AFAF forces you to confront the parts of your life you could previously drink away — this conversation will resonate.

 

Discussion Points

 

• How alcohol becomes part of your identity long before you notice it happening

• The romantic lie linking creativity with drinking

• Chaos, noise and blurriness — and why some of us found comfort in it

• Why men drink to express affection they’re too afraid to show sober

• How outgrowing your friend group creates guilt, shame and disconnection

• Authenticity vs. the “act” we play when others are drunk

• Neuroception, safety and why drunk behaviour activates old survival patterns

• Why giving up alcohol often reveals hidden fears around uncertainty and control

• The loneliness of becoming more conscious when others stay the same

• Why young people are rejecting drinking and seeking sober spaces

• How writing offers a gateway into your inner world

• Poetry as a record of being alive — and why so many ex-drinkers rediscover it

• The Liquid Lie’s influence on artists, musicians and the myth of needing substances

• Mortality, memory, blackouts and the terrifying fear of what you might have done

• Friendship, community, trust — and how to build relationships as an adult without alcohol

Connect with Bert

Buy Graveyards on Other Planets wherever you get your books.

Or order directly from Parthian: parthianbooks.com

CTA

 

If you want a unique perspective on alcohol reliance and living a SELF-led life, follow me on Instagram at @leedavycoaching.

 

If you want a community that will help you break free from alcohol and stay free, join the STRIVE Discord Community.

 

And please support Bert’s work by buying Graveyards on Other Planets. You’ll love it.

 

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