Surprising Parenting Tips, Part 1 (Inverse Power of Praise) (Breather Episode with Brad)

The Get Over Yourself podcast is branching out into the topic of parenting tips, whoopee!

In 2007, I read a landmark article in New York magazine called, "The Inverse Power of Praise—How Not To Talk To Your Kids." It forever changed my perspective about parenting and I referenced the insights on a daily basis for years after. You might be surprised to learn that you actually have less of an influence on your kid’s success than you think, considering there are so many other influences, like their peers, along with their own innate qualities, that factor in much more than you do! 

Some of these suggestions will be shocking and deeply thought-provoking. Your mind may be blown to realize that lavishing effusive praise might do your kid more harm than good; that innocent comments like, “You’re a great athlete,” or, “You’re so smart,” can make your kid become averse to challenge and progress. It sounds crazy, but when you try too hard to set your child up for success, you’re kind of doing the opposite, and instead setting them up for failure. Of course, we all want our kids to know that we see their best qualities, but acknowledging those things too much and focusing only on what it is that is “remarkable” about them will never do them any favors. Instead of praising the end result, praise the effort that went into the process - your child will respond and react to that kind of positive reinforcement in a way that’s much more productive for their growth.

This episode will give you some great tools and tips to improve your parenting skills and emphasize the research-proven effective strategies like praising effort that leads to improvement over end results. Also, check out my previous show with New York Times bestselling author Ashley Merryman for related details. 

TIMESTAMPS:

You have less influence on your kid’s success than you realize. [03:00]

Sometimes we don’t realize the damage our good intentions cause. [04:44]

Should every kid get a trophy? [08:30]

The kids often attach their self-esteem to a compliment you’ve given. [09:33]

Kids are smart.  They learn early on what attributes they have. [12:18]

Allow your kids to fail and encourage them to keep trying. [15:53]

When so say, “I’m proud of you” to your kid, you are taking the accomplishment away from him or her and turning it on to yourself. [16:37]

Make your praise specific and sincere because general praise often has the opposite of the intended effect. [18:30]

Sometimes it’s best to be silent until the kid wants to talk. [23:00]

Comparing one kid to another is probably the worst thing you can do. [26:15]

Overpraised elementary school kids who equate success with innate ability instead of effort, struggle. [28:31]

Experiencing failure is a good learning experience because it builds resilience. [34:41]

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