HOW TO KNOW A PERSON: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply (with David Brooks)
Nov 2, 2023
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David Brooks, acclaimed author and New York Times columnist, discusses mastering the social skills of understanding and respecting others to make better decisions, enhance creativity, and repair social fabric. Topics include the significance of daily interactions, humanizing others, practical tips for great conversations, the power of storytelling, AI limitations, and finding deep connections in a community.
Morality is primarily about how we pay attention to others rather than abstract universal principles, helping us make better moral choices in our daily interactions.
Seeing and understanding others deeply has transformative power, creating meaningful connections and combating dehumanization.
Building trust and repairing society requires deeply seeing and understanding each other, fostering genuine connections and interactions.
Deep dives
Morality as Paying Attention to Others
David Brooks discusses the revelation he had about morality while reading a book by Iris Murdoch. He learned that morality is primarily about how we pay attention to others rather than abstract universal principles. By treating everyone with patience, empathy, and curiosity, we can make better moral choices in our daily interactions.
The Power of Seeing Others
David Brooks emphasizes the importance of seeing and understanding others deeply. He shares anecdotes about the transformative power of genuine attention and curiosity, highlighting how it can change people’s perspectives and create meaningful connections. He also highlights the damaging effects of indifference and the dehumanization that occurs when we fail to truly see others.
The Need for Connection in a Fractured Society
David Brooks addresses the societal challenges of isolation, mistrust, and loneliness. He cites statistics on rising mental health problems, lack of close friendships, and declining trust in society. Brooks argues that building trust and repairing society requires deeply seeing and understanding each other, as well as fostering genuine connections and interactions.
The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening is a key component of effective communication. By truly listening and engaging with others, we can deepen our understanding and connection with them. This involves asking thoughtful questions, allowing for pauses to digest information, and showing genuine interest in the person we are conversing with. Active listening helps us go beyond surface-level interactions and co-author new ideas through collaborative conversations.
The Power of Asking Big Questions
Asking big questions can lead to deeper and more meaningful conversations. While it may feel uncomfortable at first, asking questions about crossroads in someone's life or reflecting on regrets and aspirations can foster connection and understanding. By creating a safe space for authentic and vulnerable exploration, we can learn more about each other's backgrounds, values, and experiences. These big questions encourage introspection and offer an opportunity for personal growth and connection.
For the past four years, New York Times columnist and acclaimed author David Brooks has been trying to learn the skills that go into seeing others, understanding others, making other people feel respected, valued, and safe. Such social skills may sound trifling, but mastering them, David believes, could help us all make better decisions, enhance our creativity, and maybe even repair our nation’s fraying social fabric.