Episode 48: The Car: The Narcissist’s Tool for Abuse

Apr 4, 2025

28:48

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Episode notes

A car ride with a narcissist can quickly shift from routine to one of the most dangerous and controlling dynamics in the relationship.

In this episode, I’m talking about something I see all the time in my work: how narcissists use driving as a form of coercive control. The car becomes more than just a way to get from one place to another. It becomes a tool for power, manipulation, and fear. If you’ve ever felt anxious, unsafe, or completely stuck during what should be a simple drive, you’re not imagining it.

I share the patterns I hear from clients again and again: partners making them late on purpose, driving recklessly, refusing to hand over the keys, or locking the doors to prevent them from getting out. These aren’t accidents. These are tactics.

I also walk through real strategies you can use if you’re in this kind of situation. Things like not revealing how important an event is, finding alternate transportation when possible, and staying emotionally neutral when you’re being baited. They’re small steps, but they can help you take back a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic.

If any of this sounds familiar, I hope this episode helps you name it, and start finding ways to protect your time, your energy, and your autonomy.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction

02:32 Significance of Driving in Narcissistic Abuse

04:00 Control and Independence in Driving

06:08 Ownership and Control of the Car

10:23 Reckless Driving to Instill Fear

12:22 Creating Fear and Providing Safety

15:06 Verbal and Physical Abuse in the Car

19:55 Limiting Access to a Car

21:21 Identifying Patterns of Abuse

22:53 Strategies to Regain Control