Jeff Bernstein, Ph.D. on Defiant Children

Mental Help Net (www.mentalhelp.net) presents the Wise Counsel Podcast (wisecounsel.mentalhelp.net), hosted by David Van Nuys, Ph.D. "Jeff Bernstein, Ph.D. on defiant children", posted May 1, 2007. Dr. Bernstein talks about how parents can better understand and manage defiant children's behavior so as to bring all family members closer together. Defiant children are often angry, frustrated, looking to externalize blame and operating under the assumption that they are equal in authority and wisdom to adults. Parents of defiant children too often "take the bait", become emotional, angry and authoritarian themselves and end up trying to manage the resulting conflicts with demands and threats. Dr. Bernstein suggests a more detached, mindful and judo-like approach that is calm, firm and non-controling. Parents who are able to show their defiant children through their actions that they are understood and respected (as well as loved) and at the same time, who are able to firmly set expectations and limits can defuse and avoid otherwise explosive situations and get to the results they want. By modeling the response they would like their children to emulate, parents are able to teach their children how to better self-sooth and interact.