David Brooks, Op-Ed contributor to The New York Times, discusses his journey as an opinion writer, ideological shifts, the value of attention in relationships, the art of interviewing, everyday acts of care, and expressing gratitude.
Active listening and asking thoughtful questions are essential for fostering deeper relationships.
Cultural perception involves seeing individuals as unique while recognizing the influence of their cultural and social backgrounds.
Asking questions and genuinely listening to others creates a supportive atmosphere for meaningful conversations and connection.
Deep dives
Understanding the power of attention and respect in conversation
In this podcast episode, David Brooks discusses the importance of conversation skills in fostering deeper relationships. He emphasizes the power of attention and respect, highlighting the role of active listening and asking thoughtful questions. He shares the concept of looping, paraphrasing what someone says to ensure understanding. Brooks also explores the idea of leading conversations with curiosity and respect, even across ideological differences. He touches on the significance of seeing individuals as unique and understanding the cultural and social influences that shape their perspectives. Ultimately, he suggests that practicing empathy and treating others with consideration can lead to more meaningful connections.
The transformational journey towards emotional growth
Brooks shares his personal journey towards cultivating greater emotional depth and vulnerability. He explains his initial disposition of being emotionally aloof and detached, humorously describing it as having the emotional capacity of a head of cabbage. He expresses his desire to change and become a better person, which led to a shift in his writing and interactions with others. Brooks recounts the importance of learning emotional skills and the impact they have on personal growth. He reflects on the power of attention, respect, and curiosity in human interactions, stressing the importance of embracing our emotions and vulnerability.
Cultural lenses and the art of truly seeing others
Discussing cultural perception, Brooks highlights the need to see others at multiple levels simultaneously. He emphasizes the value of understanding individuals as unique beings with their own points of view, while also recognizing the cultural and social groups they belong to. Brooks explores the role of culture as a lens through which people see and experience the world. He shares examples, such as eye movement studies comparing Japanese and American perspectives, to illustrate how culture shapes our perception. Brooks acknowledges the significance of learning about and appreciating others' cultural backgrounds in order to truly see and understand them.
The Power of Asking Questions and Listening
Asking questions and truly listening to others is a crucial skill for fostering connection and meaningful conversations. People are often eager to share their life stories and experiences, but often feel that nobody is genuinely interested. By approaching conversations with curiosity and appreciation, we can create a supportive and engaging atmosphere that allows individuals to open up. This skill of asking questions and listening deeply can lead to more fulfilling relationships and a greater understanding of others.
Transformation and the Role of Spirituality
David Brooks shares his personal journey of spiritual exploration and transformation. Growing up with a mixed religious background, he initially had no belief in God. However, over time, he started to experience moments that surpassed his materialistic worldview and began to recognize the existence of something beyond the physical realm. This gradual shift in perspective led him to believe in a force of love in the universe and a spiritual aspect of human beings. This newfound spirituality has brought him a sense of purpose, deeper connections with others, and the ability to experience and embrace doubt and dryness in his faith.
This week, our guest is David Brooks. As an Op-Ed contributor to The New York Times, Brooks writes about subjects ranging from politics and foreign affairs, to cultural trends and spirituality. Brooks started as a humorist, penning satires for his college paper, before becoming a film critic and then a reporter at The Wall Street Journal. You can see him regularly on the PBS Newshour. He’s also the author of bestselling books like Bobos in Paradise and The Social Animal. Like several of his more recent books – including The Second Mountain – his newest is more personal in nature. It’s called How To Know A Person, and it’s a guide to fostering deeper relationships, at home, in the workplace, or elsewhere. On November 18th, 2023 Brooks came to The Sydney Goldstein Theater in San Francisco to talk to Steven Winn about what it means to really see each other.
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