Hila Yahalom, "A Psychoanalytic Reflection on Narcissistic Parenthood and its Ramifications: The Forgotten Echo" (Routledge, 2024)
Feb 5, 2025
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Hila Yahalom, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, explores the intricacies of narcissistic parenthood in her book, shedding light on its psychological effects. She discusses how narcissism distorts familial relationships, creating defensive behavioral patterns in children. Yahalom examines the concepts of echoism and the intergenerational transmission of narcissistic traits, using case studies and historical figures like Kafka and Callas to illustrate her points. The conversation also touches on therapeutic approaches to understanding and healing from the emotional scars left by narcissistic parenting.
Narcissistic parenting profoundly affects children, leading to defensive behaviors and relational disturbances that persist throughout their lives.
Understanding echoism reveals how individuals raised by narcissists often struggle with self-identity and default to people-pleasing behaviors.
Deep dives
Understanding Narcissism and Object Relations
Narcissism is conceptualized as a disturbance in object relations, primarily originating from the relationship a child forms with their parents. This relationship affects how individuals interact with others throughout their lives, particularly in the context of narcissistic parenting. Many discussions on narcissism tend to overlook the impact on those close to narcissistic individuals, such as family members, leading to a lack of understanding of their silent suffering. By linking the theoretical underpinnings of narcissism to real-world implications, including the manifestation of relational disturbances, the discussion emphasizes the necessity of recognizing interconnected dynamics in narcissistic relationships.
The Mechanism of Gaslighting in Narcissistic Relationships
Gaslighting is a prevalent tactic employed by narcissists, where they may manipulate others to feel that their emotions or perceptions are invalid. This tactic often leads to victims, particularly children, believing they are to blame for the negative dynamics and undermines their self-worth. As the dynamic prolongs, it creates profound psychological harm, leading those affected to doubt their own feelings and rely excessively on the narcissistic individual’s perspective. Awareness of these behaviors can help individuals recognize unhealthy patterns and empower them to seek help and healing.
Echoism: The Counterpart to Narcissism
Echoism is introduced as a clinical entity closely related to narcissism, characterized by individuals shaped by being raised by narcissistic parents. These individuals often display traits such as people-pleasing and an inability to assert their own needs, motivated by feelings of shame associated with their desires. Echoists may idolize narcissists, deriving a sense of worth from the narcissist's recognition and success, often at the cost of their own identity. This relationship can manifest in co-dependent dynamics, further complicating the healing process for those wounded by narcissistic relationships.
Navigating Therapeutic Challenges for Narcissistic Disorders
Therapeutic engagement with individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits presents unique challenges, particularly the difficulty in forming genuine connections with therapists. While narcissistic patients often have blurred perceptions of self and others due to their upbringing, successful therapeutic outcomes rely on establishing a safe environment and building trust. Techniques such as transparency-focused psychotherapy can be beneficial, especially when patients struggle with the pain of relinquishing internalized negative objects. The journey through therapy can be arduous, involving deep mourning and facing the complexities of their relationships, but with time, many individuals can achieve healing and self-acceptance.
Psychoanalyst and psychiatrist Hila Yahalom discusses the patterns and ramifications of traumatizing upbringing by narcissistic parents, exploring the resulting development of a defensive-behavioral pattern and personality structures in the child which constitutes a mirror image of narcissism. Yahalom assesses a wide range of psychoanalytic theories in presenting a broad outlook on narcissism, its roots, and the manner by which pathological narcissism may manifest in interpersonal relationships as ‘narcissistic abuse’. This book considers the narcissist’s perverted occupation of the psychic space of others, with both participants usually blind to the phenomenon – a blindness that is reenacted in therapy, affecting its course. This book contains clinical vignettes from the author’s work as well as examples from the life stories of Heinz Kohut (Mr. Z), Franz Kafka, and Maria Callas.
A Psychoanalytic Reflection on Narcissistic Parenthood and its Ramifications: The Forgotten Echo will be of great interest to psychoanalysts and other clinicians working with narcissism, parenthood, and dysfunctional family relationships.
Akilesh Ayyar is a spiritual teacher and writer in New York. He can be reached at ayyar@akilesh.com.