28 Years of Nonviolent Communication: The Basics as I Know and Use Them w/ Wayland Myers, PhD

Wayland Myers, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who trained first as a mechanical engineer before pivoting into psychology, a background that seems to show up in how methodically he approaches something as slippery as human conflict. He’s spent much of his career teaching and writing about Nonviolent Communication (NVC), the empathy-centered framework originated by Marshall Rosenberg, and is the author of Nonviolent Communication: The Basics As I Know and Use Them.

Myers’s particular contribution is less about inventing new theory and more about translation, taking NVC’s sometimes abstract language and making it usable in the middle of an actual argument. His core idea is that most conflict escalates because people default to judgment and blame instead of naming what they’re actually feeling and needing. Shift that, he argues, and disagreement stops being a tug-of-war and starts being something closer to a joint excavation whereby two people begin digging toward the same root, rather than digging in against each other.In this conversation, Wayland shares his background in psychology, hospice care, and his introduction to NVC through Marshall Rosenberg, leading to his writing of a primer on the subject nearly 30 years ago. They discussed the core principles of NVC, including the distinction between the “language of giraffe” (compassionate, curious communication) and the “language of jackal” (moralistic, evaluative language). Wayland provided examples of NVC in action, such as a parent-child conflict and a role-play scenario involving a midwife and an OBGYN, demonstrating how to connect by empathizing with the other person’s feelings and needs. The conversation also touched on the challenges of emotional intelligence, the application of NVC in politically charged discussions, and its broader impact on relationships, including parenting. Wayland expressed his hope for the legacy of NVC to be a deeper understanding that all human behavior is driven by a life-serving intent to improve well-being.

NVC is so badly needed in today’s world, particularly in the way that we - as birthworkers - are communicating with one another and other healthcare professionals. We have lost the art of connection, and finding our way back starts with the daily conversations we have even with loved ones.

I use NVC in my marriage, with my friends, and with my children, as Wayland’s work has subtly had a profound impact on parenting and what is now known as “gentle parenting”.

Purchase his very accessible book on Amazon. And check out the Center for Nonviolent Communication for more. He also has a website but it hasn’t been updated in a while.

Be sure to check our role play of an OBGYN and midwife transferring a client to the hospital around minute [00:54:40]

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