Kink, Shame, and Sexual Healing with Rena Martine (Interview)
Mar 8, 2023
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Join Effy and Jacqueline as they interview Rena Martine, an expert in exploring kink and BDSM in a healthy way. They discuss how to start a conversation about sexual exploration, the therapeutic aspects of kink, and provide resources for getting started. Rena shares her expertise on overcoming shame, expanding sexual expression, and healing trauma through kink. They also delve into the concepts of power dynamics, advance consent, and the moralization of sex.
Kink and BDSM can be a healing modality, helping individuals rewrite narratives and reclaim control over their bodies.
Open communication and curiosity are essential for exploring kink, deepening sexual connections, and expanding sexual expression.
Deep dives
Defining Kink and BDSM
Kink and BDSM encompass sexual practices and desires that go beyond vanilla or traditional sexual experiences. Kink can involve anything outside the norm, while BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. BDSM covers a broad spectrum of power dynamics, including restraint, impact play, power differentials, and consensual non-consent. It's important to note that BDSM can be consensual and involves active communication and negotiation between partners.
Shame and Stigma Around Kink
Despite the growing popularity and visibility of kink and BDSM in mainstream culture, there is still a significant amount of shame and stigma surrounding these practices. Many people feel judged or worry about being seen as deviant or mentally disturbed for their kinky desires. This shame can make it challenging to discuss kink with partners and prevent individuals from fully exploring their sexual expression. However, it's crucial to recognize that kinks and fantasies are normal and varied, and engaging in consensual kink can be affirming, healing, and a source of pleasure.
Overcoming Limitations and Embracing Kink
To overcome the limitations and shame associated with kink, it is important to lean into curiosity and open communication. Exploring kink can deepen sexual connections, expand sexual expression, and even facilitate healing. Understanding the emotional needs behind kinks and fetishes, and communicating them with partners in a safe and consensual manner, is key. Starting with small steps, such as using sleep masks for sensory deprivation or gently exploring power dynamics, can help individuals and couples explore kink in a way that feels comfortable and empowering.
Kink as a Healing Modality
Kink can serve as a healing modality, particularly for individuals who have experienced sexual trauma. By engaging in consensual power dynamics and exploring kinks through negotiated scenes, individuals can rewrite their narratives and reclaim control over their bodies and sexual experiences. Kink allows for the creation of new neural pathways and can provide healing and liberation from past traumas. It is important to approach kink with intention, communication, and a commitment to safety and consent to ensure it remains a healing practice.
What’s kink and bdsm? How can we start a conversation with our partner(s) about exploring different sexual expressions? How can kink be a healing modality?
In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline are joined by Rena Martine to talk about how to explore the taboo in a healthy way. They discuss how kink can be therapeutic and share some resources on how to get started.
More about Rena Rena Martine was a Los Angeles County Deputy District Attorney for 14 years, where she specialized in sex crimes, child abuse and domestic violence cases. She continues to serve women today as an intimacy coach, educator, TEDx speaker and author, with a mission to help women love their bodies, experience deep intimacy and have great sex, shame-free.