Pattie Ehsaei’s life may look picture-perfect now—she’s a financial exec, lawyer, and author—but it’s been shaped by unimaginable tragedy. Pattie grew up watching her mom depend entirely on her dad financially, a dynamic that turned toxic and ended in unimaginable tragedy. Later, Pattie found herself in a financially abusive relationship of her own, repeating painful patterns until she broke the cycle.

Today, she shares the lessons she’s learned about love, money, and power—wisdom she’s also laid out in her book, Never Date a Broke Dude. Nicole and Pattie talk about why who you choose as a partner is the biggest financial decision you’ll ever make, how stay-at-home parents can protect their financial autonomy, and how to spot the money red flags that don’t always look like red flags. And yes—they also get into why Pattie says you should never date a broke dude.

Today’s episode contains descriptions of intimate partner violence and suicide. Please take care while listening. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, or is struggling with their mental health, here are some resources:

Relationship Abuse Hotline: 800.799.SAFE

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

The Financial and Emotional Cost of Choosing the Wrong Partner: Pattie Ehsaei’s Story of Survival and Power