Dynamic Healing with David Hanscom MD and Les Aria PhD

Ego – why do we need it, and how does it drive ruminating thoughts?

5 snips

Jan 31, 2025

Dive into the fascinating world of ego and its impacts on our mental health and behavior. Discover how survival reactions can keep us ruminating long after threats have passed. Learn about the societal conditioning that influences our self-esteem and identity. Explore the addictive nature of complaining and its connection to the ego. Understand the balance between personal growth and the distortions that can arise from our competitive nature. This discussion unveils how freeing ourselves from ego-driven thoughts can lead to genuine connections and emotional well-being.

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INSIGHT

Ego Versus Self‑Esteem

Ego is your identity and self-esteem is how you feel about that identity.
The unconscious brain is vastly stronger than conscious attempts to manage ego.

INSIGHT

Survival Reactions Drive Dark Impulses

Survival reactions trigger unpleasant emotions that feel dark and intrusive.
These impulses are part of the unconscious brain and don't define who you are.

INSIGHT

Negativity Programs the Ego

Childhood and societal conditioning emphasize negativity, shaping ego and self‑story.
People rarely receive programming rooted primarily in positivity; negativity biases survival wiring.

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Why We Pursue a stronger ego to address these three issues.

Survival Reactions and Emotional Triggers

Our survival responses trigger unpleasant emotions like anxiety and anger to indicate potential threats. In nature, once a danger passes, animals can relax and recover. However, humans often continue to ruminate, keeping the body in a state of tension. This can blur the line between our survival instincts and our identity, leading us to believe that these reactions define us.

Lifetime Programming

Societal expectations, often through guilt, intimidation, and shame, condition us from childhood. We’re rewarded for behavior that others deem “good” and criticized for behavior they view as “bad.” This conditioning contributes to an ongoing pursuit of self-esteem, shaping our identity and ego. When we fail to meet these standards, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy.

Our Competitive Nature

Humans are wired to compete for resources, achievements, and social standing. This drive can lead us to build an ego that appears strong and invulnerable. Unfortunately, maintaining this persona can isolate us from genuine connection, as meaningful relationships require vulnerability. Without resources or opportunities to compete, some people may “drop out,” developing an identity shaped by negative self-perceptions.

When we defend our ego, we exacerbate obsessive thought patterns, which are activated and reinforced as RUTS (Repetitive Unpleasant Thoughts). Conscious efforts to overcome these patterns are often unsustainable because our intentions do not match the powerful, ingrained distortions that create many of our thoughts.

The key to "dissolving" these rigid patterns lies in specific principles. First, separation through awareness allows us to step back and observe these patterns without identifying with them. It’s important to recognize that these thoughts and distortions are not who you are; rather, they create a disconnection from your true self and from others. By identifying and acknowledging cognitive distortions, you begin to loosen their grip.

Ultimately, the process of awareness itself is transformative—it brings clarity, disconnects you from harmful patterns, and opens the door to healthier, more authentic ways of thinking and being.

Les Aria, PhD – Mendahealth.com

David Hanscom, MD – Backincontrol.com

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