• Part 1 of this book is all about the charismatic presence. How might you wish for someone to describe you, and how much does that differ from reality? And then, how do you bridge the gap between these two versions of yourself? Part 1 is more theoretical and introspective, while Part 2 is all about action. How do you actually create the type of interactions that will draw people to you, regardless of your current personality?

• Unsurprisingly, it all starts with empathy. When you have empathy, you know what other people are thinking and feeling, or at least you can make a pretty darned good guess about it. And if we know what people are thinking and feeling, we can also make a darned good guess as to what they want. And that’s what will allow us to create charismatic interactions.

• The first is to simply read more. This is probably the best practice you can do without having someone in front of you, because it forces you to inhabit someone else’s perspective and inner dialogue. You can see in the story that because X happened, Y and Z might happen. This seems simple, but it is not easy to practice in daily life. Having an experience filter is very similar, in that it forces you to step out of your perspective (which is necessarily limited) and really try to see someone else’s. It might sound like we are only talking about empathy here, but the truth is that empathy and charisma are extremely, extremely related. Yes, deliberately practicing theory of mind is also more in the same direction of understanding another person’s thoughts and emotions.

• Finally, understanding the difference between facts and interpretation will help you know what you should respond to. Almost always, you should be trying to respond to people’s interpretation because their emotions are buried within, and that’s what will draw people to you.

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

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All Night Long