After a suicide, words can either comfort and connect — or cut and cause more pain. In this powerful episode of Giving Voice to Depression, journalist and suicide loss survivor Deb Sherwood shares her personal experience navigating the unthinkable grief following her husband’s death by suicide — and the devastating impact of well-intentioned but hurtful comments from doctors, therapists, and friends.

Deb speaks candidly about the importance of language, how certain phrases can retraumatize survivors, and why learning to listen with empathy matters more than trying to “fix” someone’s grief. She also offers insight into what actually helps — from specific gestures of support to the healing power of peer connection through suicide loss groups.

This episode reminds listeners that compassion doesn’t require perfect words — just presence, respect, and kindness.

Primary Topics Covered:

Why words matter after suicide loss
Common phrases that unintentionally harm grieving survivors
How stigma and silence deepen pain after suicide
The role of doctors and therapists in trauma-informed care
How to approach someone grieving a suicide loss with compassion
The value of specific help over vague offers (“Can I bring dinner Tuesday?” vs. “Let me know if you need anything”)
Creating memorials and memory books to honor loved ones
How suicide loss support groups foster understanding and healing
The three-question rule before speaking: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

Timestamps:

00:00 – Introduction: Why conversations about suicide matter
01:26 – Introducing journalist and suicide loss survivor Deb Sherwood
02:50 – Stigma and secrecy after suicide loss
03:58 – The impact of harmful words from medical professionals
05:14 – When therapy retraumatizes instead of heals
06:42 – How insensitive questions intensify grief
08:01 – Why people assume strength means lack of pain
09:35 – Understanding curiosity vs. intrusion in suicide loss
10:13 – Losing friendships after judgmental comments
11:05 – Hurtful remarks that add trauma (“You didn’t see it coming?” “He took the easy way out”)
12:25 – Words that help: empathy, memory-sharing, and specific offers of support
13:46 – Creating a memory book to honor a loved one’s life
14:48 – Encouraging people to share positive stories and memories
15:03 – Living with unanswered questions and learning self-forgiveness
16:08 – The “Is it true, necessary, kind?” test for sensitive conversations
16:58 – How support groups create safe spaces for suicide loss survivors
17:48 – Finding the right therapist or counselor who respects grief
18:22 – Final reflections: listening, compassion, and language that heals

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