Parent educator Kristin Mariella shares strategies for reducing sibling conflict, including holding back from interfering, welcoming emotions, avoiding competition, and not equalizing things like food portions.
Parents should resist getting involved in sibling conflicts to allow children to develop problem-solving skills on their own.
Normalize disagreements and accept the range of emotions siblings have towards each other to foster a more understanding and realistic sibling relationship.
Deep dives
Hold Your Tongue
Kristen Mariella advises parents to resist getting involved in sibling conflicts unless there's a safety issue. This non-interference allows children to navigate their disagreements and develop problem-solving skills on their own. When parents step in with good intentions, it can disrupt the natural process and create resistance and mistrust. By holding back and observing, parents may discover that children often find their own resolutions.
Normalize Sibling Emotions
Kristen emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and accepting the range of emotions that siblings have towards each other. It's unrealistic to expect them to always be best friends and perfectly loving. By normalizing disagreements and recognizing that sharing parents and living daily lives together naturally creates mixed feelings, parents can reduce tension and foster a more understanding and realistic sibling relationship.
Avoid Pitfall of Competition
Parents unintentionally contribute to sibling rivalry by fostering competition among their children. Activities that constantly pit siblings against each other, like who can do something faster or better, strengthen the notion of being the winner or number one. Instead, parents can redirect the focus by creating a sense of teamwork and encouraging cooperation. Shifting the dynamic from competition to collaboration helps children see each other as allies rather than rivals.
Bickering, fighting, jealousy, constant comparison and competition — sibling rivalry can be exhausting. Here to help us reduce the conflict between our children is parent educator, Kristin Mariella. Her approach is to hold the limits, while welcoming the waves of emotion. You can find more from Kristin Mariella @respectfulmom.
Takeaways:
Hold your tongue! Kristin urges parents to resist getting involved with sibling conflict, as long as there is not a safety issue. Even with the best of intentions, adult interference creates resistance and it sends the message of mistrust.
Welcome the big emotions your siblings have toward one another. It’s OK if they’re not the best of friends — and their relationship will shift over time. By normalizing disagreements, you will diminish the tension in the sibling relationship.
Avoid fostering competition. For example, asking your children to race to the car has a tendency to pit one child against another. Instead, have them compete against you. Play the part of the clumsy adult and you're bound to bring some humor to the situation.
Do your best to avoid equalizing things, particularly when it comes to food. Kristin reminds her children: “We never count food.” If you’re forever equaling out portions, you are sending the message that your children should look to their sibling’s plate to see if they have enough, rather than listening to their body.