What happens when parenting doesn't end when your child turns 18?

In this special episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with my friend Dr. Sarah Wayland to talk about "forever parenting," those situations where parents remain deeply involved in their child's life and care well into adulthood, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

Sarah shares three common paths into forever parenting: children whose developmental differences are clear early on; kids who look "on track" until they hit a wall in college or young adulthood; and those whose lives change suddenly through accident, illness, or serious mental health conditions. Across all three, there's a shared theme of uncertainty: is this forever, or just for now? And how do you plan a life around not knowing?

We talk about grief, not as a one-time event, but as a companion on this journey. Sarah walks through the familiar stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning-making, and how they show up for parents of disabled and neurodivergent adults. We explore why big feelings serve a purpose, what happens when we suppress them, and why letting yourself "wallow" for a bit can actually be healthy.

We also dig into emotional regulation for both parents and adult children: the rumble-to-rage cycle, safety planning when meltdowns are intense or even dangerous, and why compliance-based approaches often crumble as kids grow. Instead, Sarah emphasizes relationship, co-regulation, and telling ourselves more truthful, less terrifying stories about what's happening.

Finally, Sarah shares her vision for the Forever Parenting project and invites listeners into the process. She's actively gathering stories, hard-earned wisdom, and real-life questions from parents, professionals, and disabled adults themselves, so that families navigating lifelong care don't have to do it in the dark or alone.

Key Takeaways

"Forever parenting" describes parents who remain significantly involved in their child's life and care well into adulthood, sometimes for life.
There are many paths into forever parenting, including early-identified developmental disabilities, late-identified neurodivergence with young-adult burnout, and sudden changes due to accident, illness, or serious mental health conditions.
You often don't know whether a situation is "forever" or "for now," which means learning to live with ambiguity while still planning ahead.
Grief in this context is ongoing and cyclical. Parents may move in and out of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning-making over time.
Big emotions like anger and sadness serve a purpose. Noticing and feeling them, instead of shoving them down, is part of staying emotionally well.
Emotional regulation and the rumble-to-rage cycle matter for both parents and adult children, especially when safety is a concern.
Compliance-focused approaches tend to break down over time. Relationship, co-regulation, and nervous system awareness are far more sustainable.
Legal, financial, and practical planning (benefits, guardianship, housing, medical decision-making) are key parts of the forever parenting landscape.
Parents need permission to tell the truth about how hard this can be, and support that doesn't judge their feelings.
Sarah's Forever Parenting project aims to collect stories, strategies, and resources so families don't have to navigate lifelong parenting alone.

About Sarah Wayland

Dr. Sarah Wayland is a parenting coach, advocate, and founder of Guiding Exceptional Parents, where she supports families raising neurodivergent kids and young adults. She holds a Ph.D. in Cognitive Psychology from Brandeis University, is a certified RDI® consultant, and co-author of Is This Autism? Sarah also co-leads The Behavior Revolution's online programs for parents and is currently developing the Forever Parenting project to better support families who are providing lifelong care.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

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Prof. Scott Anthony of Dartmouth on Eleven Innovations that Shaped Our Modern World