"You're young..." "You'll get pregnant again..." "At least you have a healthy child..." "At least you can get pregnant..."
It's estimated that nearly 1 in 4 pregnancies results in a miscarriage. Yet somehow most of us are unaware of how many people we know that have experienced pregnancy loss until we experience one.
Feelings of isolation, self-blame, guilt, and shame can pour in during the aftermath of a loss, however the experience of pregnancy loss is incredibly personal and does not impact two people the same way.
An out of order loss can make it difficult for our support networks to know what we need and what to do, leading to an array of platitudes.
But how do we deal with these feelings and the platitudes?
I sat down with Dr. Jessica Zucker the creator of the #IHadAMisscarriage campaign and the psychologist behind the Instagram account @IHadAMiscarriage. Together we discussed our personal experiences with miscarriage, common themes that show up for mothers after, and the challenges that come with asking for support when a loss has occurred.
Dr. Jessica Zucker is a Los Angeles-based reproductive and maternal mental health psychologist. She specialized in this field long before experiencing a second trimester miscarriage firsthand. She earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, a Master's degree in human development, as well as a Master's degree in public health. Her educational pursuits married with her clinical practice and research have lead her to write extensively on this topic for outlets such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine, and Vogue. Her first book I HAD A MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement is available now (Feminist Press + Penguin Random House Audio)
In this episode, we discuss:
- What lead Dr. Jessica Zucker to do this work and her own personal journey
- The themes that show up for mothers after miscarriage
- The platitudes that are offered by others and how to cope
- Dealing with uncertainty and grief surrounding miscarriage and control
- Dealing with self-blame, guilt, and shame
- How fixing is the denial of emotional intimacy
- Coping with the anxiety of getting pregnant again after a loss
Now it’s your turn! Join me over on Instagram, or leave me a note here about your experience with miscarriage.
What’s Coming Next?
My next episode is with a special guest that has changed my world, and we are going to bust through the common relationship myths that couples can fall into.
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