Sexuality and Shame in Asian American culture with Christene Lozano
Dec 26, 2023
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Dr. Kate discusses with Christene Lozano the cultural and mental attitudes towards relationships and sex in Asian American culture. They explore the shame and guilt associated with sex, the impact on individuals and families, and the lack of shame-free conversations. They also discuss the fear, secrecy, and lack of education surrounding sexuality, the code of silence, and the stigma of therapy in the Asian American community.
The cultural attitudes towards sex and relationships in Asian American households often involve shame, guilt, and a lack of open communication, which can hinder individuals' exploration and expression of their authentic sexual selves.
The pressure to conform to cultural expectations and the concept of saving face in Asian American cultures contribute to the shame and secrecy surrounding sex, limiting individuals' ability to establish fulfilling relationships and navigate their own sexual experiences effectively.
Deep dives
Cultural Views of Sex and Relationships in Asian American Communities
Christine Lozano, a certified sex therapist and marriage and family therapist, discusses the cultural attitudes towards sex and relationships among Asian Americans. She notes that shame and lack of open communication about sex are common in Asian American households. This can lead to misconceptions and discomfort around discussing and exploring sexuality. Christine also shares her personal experience of being a sex therapist in an Asian American family and the challenges it presents. The clash between cultural expectations and personal desires creates tension and confusion for individuals navigating their sexual identities and relationships.
The Influence of Shame and Saving Face
One of the key factors contributing to the shame and lack of open communication about sex in Asian American cultures is the concept of saving face. This cultural trait places immense pressure on individuals to protect their family's reputation and avoid any topics or behaviors that could be perceived as shameful. This pressure to conform leads to repressed emotions, hiding relationships, and secretive behavior. The fear of judgment and the need to maintain a certain image can limit individuals' ability to explore and express their authentic sexual selves.
Impact on Mental Health and Relationships
The cultural attitudes towards sex and relationships in Asian American communities can have profound effects on mental health and personal relationships. The shame surrounding sex can create anxiety, self-doubt, and difficulty establishing emotional and sexual intimacy. For some, the pressure to conform to cultural expectations leads to suppressing desires and conveying a false image. This can result in struggles with self-expression, communication, and establishing fulfilling relationships. The lack of open dialogue about sex also contributes to a lack of sexual education, making it challenging for individuals to navigate their own sexual experiences and pleasure.
Navigating Identity and Seeking Therapy
Asian Americans who experience tension between cultural expectations and personal desires may benefit from seeking therapy. However, seeking therapy can be stigmatized within Asian American communities, as it may be viewed as a sign of weakness or a betrayal of cultural norms. Overcoming this stigma and embracing mental health support requires acknowledging the importance of mental well-being and the potential impact it can have on overall quality of life. Therapy can provide a space for individuals to explore their personal desires, overcome shame, and navigate the complex intersections of cultural and personal identities.
Dr. Kate talks with Christene about Asian Americans and their cultural and mental attitudes towards relationships and sex as seen first hand by Christene growing up in this culture. She says there is almost always a sense of shame or guilt whether talking about sex, having sex, seeking therapy, dating before marriage, etc. and the weight of that shame can be seen as a betrayal to the culture historically and present day, as well as to the family. This overall taboo causes multiple problems for the individual as they try to balance what they want in life versus what they think they should do for the family.
Christene works as a BIPOC AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, IITAP Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Christene specializes in the treatment of sex-related issues and compulsive sexual behavior.
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