In this episode, we talk about how control can show up through image-management and blame. We discuss how the abuser consistently positioned his wife as “the problem,” convincing others that she was the one who needed mental health help, while he would show himself as seeming reasonable, and concerned.

We explore how he accused her of being unfaithful despite a lack of truth behind those claims, and how this accusation became part of a larger pattern of control. He frequently used statements like “this isn’t what a wife does” whenever she spent money, went out with friends, or did anything that didn’t center him- using shame and rigid expectations to limit her independence.

The episode also covers how he insisted she change her last name right away and start a family as soon as possible. We discuss how these demands functioned as “tests” of loyalty and commitment, rather than mutual decisions.

Finally, we talk about how, when the relationship ended, he attempted to control the narrative by claiming he was the one leaving and framing her as unfaithful. We unpack how this was less about the truth and more about protecting his image and avoiding accountability.

This episode highlights how abuse is rooted in manipulation, narrative control, and the slow erosion of someone’s sense of self.

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Daf Yomi Kiddushin Daf 17 by R’ Eli Stefansky