#174 Forgiveness Without Apologies. Writing a Mother-Daughter Memoir

Forgiveness doesn't erase the past. It changes who gets to control your present.

In this episode of Freelance Writing Direct, Estelle Erasmus talks with filmmaker, writer, and coach Gayle Kirschenbaum and her 102-year-old mother, Mildred Kirschenbaum, about their volatile, funny, and hard-won evolution from conflict to connection. Gayle shares the story behind her debut memoir, Bullied to Besties: A Daughter's Journey to Forgiveness, including the relentless criticism she grew up with, the physical toll it took, and the moment she realized the only way forward was to stop living as a victim.

The conversation also explores generational silence around feelings, antisemitism and identity, and the surprising way Mildred became Gayle's most rigorous story consultant, even when she appears as the "villain" in the narrative. It's a candid look at what forgiveness can mean when the other person doesn't change, but you do.

In this episode:

• How childhood dynamics quietly shape identity, health, and self-trust [5:17]

• Why Gayle decided forgiveness was the only way forward [7:55]

• Generational silence, emotional truth, and the limits of understanding [10:05]

• Structuring a memoir through therapy, flashbacks, and confrontation [15:54]

• Mildred's perspective on her parenting and how intention & impact don't always align [17:54]

• Using journals, letters, and family archives as memoir source material [24:47]

• Seeing a parent as a wounded child and how that reframed everything [29:29]

• What it looks like to reclaim agency while staying in relationship [30:00]

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xQcs4nOjODM

Connect with Gayle and Mildred:

Website: https://www.gaylekirschenbaum.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/glkirschenbaum/?hl=en

Bullied to Besties: A Daughter's Journey To Forgiveness: https://www.gaylekirschenbaum.com/bullied-to-besties

Look At Us Now, Mother!: https://www.gaylekirschenbaum.com/look-at-us-now-mother

Get More from Estelle

• Upcoming Webinar with Writer's Digest: Amplifying the Echo Effect in Memoir and Essays, February 26th, 1:00-2:30 pm ET If you want to understand how patterns, callbacks, and emotional echoes can deepen your work, join me for this brand new interactive craft webinar. Learn more and register here. https://writersdigestuniversity.mykajabi.com/amplifying-the-echo-effect-in-memoir-and-essays

• 🎓 Learn with Estelle: • NYU Zoom Course: Writing About Your Life Through Memoir & Essays — Discover how to beat writer's block, shape a powerful narrative, pitch editors, and walk away with a ready-to-publish essay or memoir pages. https://www.sps.nyu.edu/courses/WRIT1-CE9800-writing-about-your-life-through-memoir-essays-and-articles.html

• Private Small-Group Memoir Class — January and March are sold out. Next 6-week session begins May 2026. Email me at freelancewritingdirect@gmail.com for details and to get on the waiting list.

• 📰 Read & Subscribe • Substack:— NEW POST: On Craft, Revision, and the Paragraph You Almost Cut https://estelleserasmus.substack.com

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• 🎤 Watch: Estelle's TEDx Talk — How to Get Noticed in Your Writing and Beyond. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpcWmjpzSIQ

• 📘 Book: Writing That Gets Noticed — named a Poets & Writers "Best Book for Writers." https://www.amazon.com/Writing-That-Gets-Noticed-Storyteller/dp/1608688364

• 🎧 Listen: Freelance Writing Direct Podcast — 2025 Podcast of the Year (American Writing Awards) https://estelleserasmus.com/podcast/

About Estelle

Estelle Erasmus is an award-winning journalist,TEDx Speaker, author of Writing That Gets Noticed, and host of Freelance Writing Direct. An adjunct professor at NYU, her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, WIRED, PBS/Next Avenue, The Independent, and AARP The Magazine. She has served as editor-in-chief of five national magazines.

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