Getting Discomfortable with Authenticity

Episode 99 is a weird and special exploration of authenticity that upended my entire notion of what this podcast is and what I want it to be!

Authenticity is a concept and a practice that I really value and something that I consider to be one of the opposites of toxic shame. Shame often tries to tell us to change and hide our truth, whereas authenticity is all about embracing and sharing that truth.

I’ve already written about authenticity at length in my book, so I’m just going to quote myself here: 

To me, authenticity is about cultivating a congruency between our internal state and our external presentation, usually relating to our emotions, our physical sensations, and our thoughts. This is ephemeral material that we don’t usually need to make public in order to be strictly honest. I can truthfully communicate all kinds of information without revealing that I happen to be furious. Being authentic is being honest about what is going on inside of me by voicing or embodying the unseen feelings, drives, and thoughts that I don’t need to share. It’s allowing my emotions to shine through, and expressing my self-awareness to others.

Ironically, as soon as I started recording this episode, the theme of authenticity forced me to confront the ways in which the podcast and the persona I take on while hosting it don’t embrace authenticity as deeply as they could. It was challenging and unpleasant to discover—and admit—that the lighthearted, half-laughing speaking style that I often employ on the podcast is actually somewhat of a performance! My goal has always been to take a playful stance on shame and other difficult emotions, which I hoped would make the podcast and the subject matter more accessible, but the tradeoff, I now realize, is that it’s not the most authentic approach. 

This episode operates almost as a continuation of the previous episode on Circling, and in many ways actually demonstrates the essence of Circling better than the Circling episode does! I tried my best to actually slow down, notice, feel, and share what was alive and true in my body as I was recording, while also trying to explain what authenticity means to me intellectually—so you get a taste of embodied authenticity in practice and in theory. I found connecting with more authenticity in the recording of the podcast to be a bit of a breakthrough for me and my process, so I’m excited to see how this new approach shapes the podcast moving forward!