Rena Martine, a women's intimacy coach and former Sex Crimes Deputy District Attorney, offers profound insights into intimacy, non-monogamy, and submission fantasies. She discusses practical ways to approach non-monogamy conversations while critiquing media portrayals. Delving into the psychology of submission fantasies, she highlights their role in coping with life’s pressures. Rena also reflects on her transition from legal struggles to empowering others through intimacy coaching, emphasizing the significance of reclaiming one's sexual narrative and understanding personal desires.
Opening up discussions about non-monogamy benefits from clear communication and utilizing external resources to ease the conversation.
Submission and force fantasies allow individuals to explore control in a safe environment, often contrasting with the pressures of daily life.
For those with a history of trauma, controlled engagement with fantasies can help reclaim agency and foster personal healing.
Deep dives
Exploring Non-Monogamy
Opening up discussions about non-monogamy requires sensitivity and clear communication between partners. A suggested approach is to use external resources, such as podcasts or articles, to initiate these conversations without placing the whole burden of the topic on one person. Practicing relational check-ins can facilitate ongoing dialogue about feelings and relationship dynamics, making it easier to address questions about preferences and boundaries. Utilizing tools like questionnaires or apps designed for discussing non-monogamy can help couples explore their interests and desires together.
Consent and Communication in Fantasies
Submission and force fantasies are common among many individuals, with significant research showing that a large percentage of women experience them. These fantasies do not reflect a desire for actual forced situations but rather a consensual exploration of giving up control, often contrasting with the pressures of daily life. Engaging in such fantasies can provide an avenue for individuals to reclaim a sense of agency and experience pleasure in a safe environment, where they maintain the ability to stop or change the narrative. Discussing these desires openly can reduce associated shame and help to cultivate a healthier view of one's own sexual interests.
Addressing Sexual Trauma through Restaging
For individuals with a history of sexual trauma, exploring submission or force fantasies can be complicated and may lead to triggers. The restaging process provides a way to reframe these experiences positively by allowing the individual to reclaim control and redefine past narratives on their terms. By gradually addressing specific triggers in a controlled and consensual setting, individuals can start to engage with aspects of their sexuality that may have been previously distressing. This method emphasizes the importance of integrating past experiences into personal growth and healing, encouraging a more empowering relationship with one's sexuality.
The Importance of Seeking Professional Guidance
Finding therapists or coaches who specialize in non-traditional relationships can be crucial for navigating complex feelings about non-monogamy and related fantasies. Professionals with expertise in these areas can help individuals and couples explore their desires while ensuring they do so in a safe and consensual manner. Resources such as professional directories or recommendations can guide people towards finding the right support. Encouraging an open dialogue with professionals can enhance understanding and provide tailored strategies for addressing unique relationship dynamics.
Legal Insights and the Evolving Narrative on Sexuality
Former legal professionals can bring valuable insights into how societal perceptions of sexuality impact the justice system and personal relationships. Experiences in the legal system often reveal deep-seated biases and misunderstandings that can affect how sexual crimes are prosecuted and perceived. Addressing the gap in education regarding sexual consent and healthy expressions of sexuality in legal frameworks can contribute to a broader cultural shift. Overall, this evolving narrative highlights the need for educated professionals to advocate for more accurate representations of sexuality in both legal contexts and mainstream conversations.
Rena Martine is a women's intimacy coach, former Sex Crimes Deputy District Attorney for the Los Angeles County D.A.'s Office, and author of The Sex You Want: A Shameless Journey to Deep Intimacy, Honest Pleasure, and a Life You Love. Today we answer some listener Q and A’s about non-monogamy. Then, we have a discussion about force and submission fantasies and how to reconcile these desires with survivorship and empowerment.
Send questions, comments, stories, rants to: SlutsAndScholars@gmail.com Sluts And Scholars is a production of sluts and scholars media.
Loving disclaimer:
Sluts and Scholars is a podcast produced by Sluts & Scholars Media, LLC. It is a shame free educational podcast made for your entertainment and informational desires only. The podcast, any opinions we share, and any resources including social media and emails from us are not therapy, medical care or professional advice and do not create a patient-client relationship. None of the information, opinions, suggestions, resources or exercises mentioned in this podcast should be used without clearance from your health care provider. All opinions, information and ideas expressed by the guests are solely their own. If you need emergency mental health or medical help, please call 911 or 988 or go to your nearest emergency center. We hope you enjoy the show.
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