Ep.75 The Ultimate BDSM Topping Guide with Janet W Hardy

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In this insightful episode, Janet W Hardy joins me to explore the world of BDSM topping through the wisdom of The New Topping Book. We dive into what it really means to take the lead in a scene — from the mindset shifts that help new tops build confidence, to the balance of power and care that makes BDSM both safe and deeply pleasurable. Janet shares practical tools for communicating clearly without killing the mood, navigating nerves or insecurities, and embracing topping as a creative, collaborative craft rather than a performance you need to “get right.” 

We also explore the emotional and psychological layers of topping—how to stay present, attuned, and aware of the deeper dynamics in more intense play. Janet highlights the ethical responsibilities of a top, the importance of aftercare for both partners, and how community and mentorship support growth. Whether you're new or experienced, this conversation offers a grounded guide to leading scenes with confidence, clarity, and heart.

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ABOUT JANET W HARDY

Janet W. Hardy is an author, educator, and speaker known for her groundbreaking work on relationships, sexuality, and kink. She has written or co-written more than a dozen influential books, including The Ethical Slut, which has sold over 300,000 copies. Janet has taught internationally on topics from ethical multipartner relationships to erotic spanking and has appeared in documentaries, television, podcasts, and radio. She founded and served as editor-in-chief of Greenery Press for twenty-five years, publishing books on alternative sexuality. Today, she continues writing, teaching, and creating work that supports sex-positive education while living in Eugene, Oregon.

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