Joe Primo is the CEO of Grateful Living, an organization based on the work of Brother David Steindl-Rast — 98 year-old author, scholar, and Benedictine monk who is also known as the “grandfather of gratitude.”

In his prior work with dying patients and grieving children, Joe encountered the deep sorrow and always-available joy that permeates our search for meaning. Gratefulness for life, he believes, is foundational to discovering meaning and the only response that is big enough and appropriate for the plot twists, delights, surprises, and devastation we encounter along the way. A student of Brother David since his studies at Yale Divinity School, Joe is committed to advancing their global movement and making the transformational practice of grateful living both accessible to all and integral to communities and places of belonging. 

As an international speaker, author, and commentator, Joe has served on numerous boards. He is the author of “What Do We Tell the Children? Talking to Kids About Death and Dying.” He was previously the CEO of Good Grief.

Joe recounts his early experiences as a hospice chaplain, highlighting the importance of asking well-crafted, intentional questions to connect with and support grieving individuals. He emphasizes the foundational role of gratefulness in discovering meaning in life and shares stories from his work with children and families facing death. Joe discusses how grief, while universal and normal, is often mishandled due to societal discomfort and lack of understanding. He urges listeners to acknowledge, embrace, and integrate grief to move forward healthily. The conversation also delves into the commercialization of gratitude and how to return to its core essence as a spiritual practice. The episode concludes with Joe's reflections on living a grateful life, making improbable friends, and asking courageous questions to foster deeper understanding and connections.

This Curated Questions episode can be found on all major platforms and at CuratedQuestions.com.

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Episode Notes

[01:09] Meet Joe Primo: CEO of Grateful Living

[02:36] The Power of Questions in Grief and Healing

[03:31] A Chaplain's Journey: Lessons from Hospice

[06:18] The Importance of Presence and Connection

[14:39] Personal Reflections on Grief and Loss

[20:54] Exploring the Concept of Grateful Living

[35:09] The Interconnectedness of Grief and Gratitude

[44:34] Anticipatory Grief and Caretaking Challenges

[46:15] The Power of Questions in Understanding Grief

[46:50] Navigating Grief Bursts and Emotional Roller Coasters

[49:00] Insensitive Comments and Their Impact

[51:59] The Importance of Showing Up Despite Awkwardness

[54:57] Shifting Perspectives on Grief and Support

[01:00:10] Embracing Gratefulness and Present Moment Awareness

[01:04:42] The Role of Questions in Healing and Connection

[01:13:15] Empowerment Through Grateful Living

[01:25:31] Final Thoughts and Encouragements

Resources Mentioned

Grateful Living

Brother David Steindl-Rast

What Do We Tell the Children? Talking to Kids About Death and Dying by Joe Primo

Good Grief

Connecticut Hospice

Victor Frankel

John Paul Lederach

You Are Here by Brother David Steindl-Rast

Rainer Maria Rilke

Tao Te Ching

Rabbi Sharon Brous

Grateful Grief Course at Grateful Living

Grateful Gatherings Course at Grateful Living

Beauty Pill

Producer Ben Ford

Questions Asked

When did you first understand the power of questions?

What other secrets did Grandpa have?

What's my point in this story?

How did he enrich your life?

What will you miss most about him?

What about him now or at the end of his life really surprised you?

What do you wish he understood about you that he didn't?

How do I begin this conversation?

What are the questions that I need to ask to achieve those goals I named earlier of understanding

What hopes did you have for baby J while you were pregnant?

How did you imagine your life would change as parents?

What are the best characteristics you think the other parent would've shared and given to Baby J?

What type of life did you envision for him?

Can you not see what everybody else is seeing here?

What else didn't happen?

If you had been able to sit with that 14-year-old self and ask those questions, how do you think that would have changed you?

How did that work?

Am I alone in this?

Are my thoughts ridiculous?

Am I a little crazy here?

What does this mean?

Why is it that there was a draw for you to even be working in that capacity?

Why are we here?

What is the meaning of all of this?

Life is a gift, and what are we to do with it?

What is the object in which we give gratitude?

Is gratitude itself just sufficient to exist?

Does there need to be an object to whom it is the thanks is given?

What are some of the ways gratitude has been cheapened?

What are ways to intentionally undo that or to get back to the heart of it, instead of the cheap knockoffs that we've been paying attention to?

What is misunderstood about grieving?

What is grief?

Why did this happen?

Why did this happen to me?

Why did this happen to the person?

What is the meaning of this?

Where is the meaning in this moment?

How will I live my life based on, or despite the events that have occurred?

Who do I want to become?

How can our questions help us understand what this experience or day is like?

How are you saying this to children?

Are you kidding me?

What questions do you carry with you and often revisit?

What does this moment have to offer me right now?

What can I celebrate today by seeing it a new, rather than something that is mundane

How do you think that's changing your relationship or response to those observations or moments?

How do we become more alive?

What makes us more alive?

What happened to you?

What do you do with this imperfection?