46: Best of Is Too Much Self-Compassion a Bad Thing? with Dr. Lesley Cook
Aug 21, 2023
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Dr. Lesley Cook, a psychologist, discusses the balance between self-compassion and personal growth. They explore self-compassion in relation to shame and how it can be learned and passed down. The podcast also touches on the duality of compassion and accountability, and the transformative power of self-compassion in shifting from shame-based behavior.
Finding the balance between self-compassion and life management is crucial for progress and growth.
Shame can be transformed into self-compassion, which serves as a catalyst for personal and parenting journeys.
Deep dives
Exploring Self-Compassion with Dr. Leslie Cook
In this podcast episode, Dr. Leslie Cook and the host, Casey Davis, discuss the concept of self-compassion. They address the question of whether too much self-compassion is possible and explore how enabling oneself or others with excessive compassion can impact personal growth. Dr. Cook draws parallels between self-compassion and early parenting messages, emphasizing that meeting ourselves with compassion at our current state, even if non-functional, is crucial for progress. The conversation delves into the fear associated with self-compassion and the belief that compassion and accountability cannot coexist. They also examine the role of shame and its limitations in motivating change, highlighting the importance of compassionate self-reflection as a catalyst for growth.
The Misconceptions Surrounding Self-Compassion
The episode addresses misconceptions about self-compassion, particularly the potential misunderstanding that it grants permission for undesirable behaviors. The hosts discuss the difference between permission and observing suffering with concern and kindness. They describe self-compassion as a way to free oneself from self-destructive patterns and explore the definition of compassion, emphasizing its role in recognizing our connection to others. The conversation touches on the challenges of separating compassion from permission and the power of self-compassion in motivating positive change.
Shame as a Motivator and the Role of Disgust
The discussion focuses on shame and its relationship to disgust. They explore the concept that shame is essentially self-disgust, highlighting how shame can lead to a desire for change but lacks the ability to facilitate lasting transformation. They underscore the importance of self-compassion in transforming shame into a catalyst for growth by providing valuable information and enabling small shifts. The episode concludes with insights into the development of self-compassion as a learned behavior that can positively influence both personal and parenting journeys.
In our first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. Because she has so much great information and wisdom to share, I decided to bring her back to discuss self-compassion. Is it a bad thing to have TOO MUCH self-compassion? Join us for the conversation with Dr. Lesley!
Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families.
Show Highlights:
How to find the balance between the message of self-compassion and the need for better life management and progress
A basic understanding of self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff’s writings
A closer look at shame and how we experience it in relation to self-compassion
How to gently shift shame into self-compassion
How self-compassion can become a learned behavior that we pass down to our children