220. Disobedience

Nov 9, 2025

So Mayer, a London-based bookseller and the author of Bad Language, dives deep into the relationship between language and identity. They explore how vocabulary can act as both a tool of oppression and liberation. Mayer discusses growing up under Section 28 and the chilling effects on queer visibility. The conversation also touches on the importance of listening as an act of consent and resistance, and how choosing specific terms can dismantle societal norms. Ultimately, they reveal the power of words in creating community and understanding.

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INSIGHT

Language As Power And Liberation

Language is a tool of power that can both oppress and liberate, because we create and can remake it.
Naming ourselves with new vocabulary dismantles normative structures and reveals non-fitting identities.

ANECDOTE

Naming Phases That Dismantled Norms

So Mayer recounts naming phases: feminist, lesbian, bisexual, queer, survivor, non-binary, autistic.
Each new term acted as a piece of dismantlement against imposed universal categories.

ADVICE

Choose Words That Fit You

Try inventing or choosing words that fit your interior experience rather than default options.
Use language deliberately to distance yourself from oppressive categories (e.g., "unsubscribed").

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“The more we look into social structures, the more many of us realize we don't fit into them," says So Mayer, author of the new book Bad Language, "So each phrase or set of vocabulary is another piece of that dismantlement.” We discuss finding vocabulary for oneself, coming out as a speech act, growing up under Section 28, busting through oppression and shame, and joyous listening.

Content note: in the episode we refer to sexual abuse or crimes against consent, and to suicide, but we do not go into any detail about these things, or describe any experiences. Also there are some category A and B swears.

Visit theallusionist.org/disobedience for more information about So's work and today's topics, plus a transcript of the episode.

Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get behind-the-scenes info about every episode; livestreams with me reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries, and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where among daily sharing of thoughts and amusements, we're watching The Princess Bride, the current season of Great Canadian Baking Show, and Game of Wool.

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. Martin Austwick. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

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