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Startup Dad
Parenting Strategies For Raising Four Kids | Brian Rothenberg (father of 4, Defy, Eventbrite)
Feb 29, 2024
Brian Rothenberg, Defy General partner and father of four, shares insights on pivoting plans for family, dynamics of growing from one to four kids, prioritizing time with spouse, advice for younger self, becoming selfless as a parent, and funny parenting anecdotes like car debates and children's requests.
51:42
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Quick takeaways
- Adapting parenting strategies as the family grows through collaboration and dividing household tasks.
- Prioritizing selflessness as a parent by giving up self-absorption and focusing on relationships.
- Utilizing exercise as a mental health tool and family bonding activity to manage parental stress.
- Fostering family togetherness through activities like hiking, movie nights, and balancing risk in children's activities.
- Balancing work demands and family responsibilities by swinging the pendulum back and forth, acknowledging the dynamic nature.
- Navigating decision-making in a family setting with multiple children by emphasizing effective communication and shared responsibilities.
Deep dives
Balancing Work and Family Life
Finding a balance between work in the startup world and family life is a challenge, with Brian recognizing the need to swing the pendulum back and forth, acknowledging that consistent balance is almost impossible. While the hours and hard work in startups are substantial, Brian values time spent with his family and finds ways to prioritize family time, such as through vacations or staycations.
Parenting Strategies and Collaborative Decision-Making
Brian discusses adapting parenting strategies as a family grows, mentioning the importance of collaboration in decision-making and finding a divided and conquer approach with his wife. They focus on identifying specific areas of ownership for household tasks, reflecting a similar process to scaling a startup by delegating responsibilities. This approach helps them in managing a household of four children under the age of 10.
Selflessness and Evolution as a Parent
Brian reflects on the evolution towards selflessness as a parent, admitting to being more self-absorbed before having kids and learning from continued conversations with his wife about being less focused on himself. This shift, although difficult, has made him a better spouse and person, emphasizing the importance of being more selfless to improve relationships.
Prioritizing Exercise and Mental Health
Exercise plays a crucial role in Brian's life, serving as a way to maintain mental health and cope with the stresses of parenting and work in the startup industry. Both Brian and his wife prioritize fitness and carving out time for workouts, utilizing exercise as a parent-sanity hack to manage the chaos that comes with a family of six.
Family Bonding Through Shared Activities
Brian highlights the importance of hiking with his kids as one of his favorite activities, fostering family bonding and creating cherished memories. Additionally, experiencing nostalgic films like Indiana Jones with his kids and watching Home Alone during Christmas time are significant moments that contribute to family togetherness and enjoyment.
Challenges of Parenting and Decisive Parenting Choices
Brian mentions the difficulty of managing kids during the terrible twos and shares insights into deciding on children's activities that touch upon perceived versus real risk. By acknowledging different risk tolerances within the family, Brian navigates decisions like playing tackle football while ensuring a balance between safety and fun for his children.
Striving for a Healthy Work-Family Balance
Recognizing the demanding nature of startup hustle culture and the challenges of balancing work commitments with family life, Brian discusses the dynamic nature of prioritizing work versus family time. While acknowledging the difficulty of achieving a consistent balance, he emphasizes the need to swing the pendulum back and forth between work demands and family responsibilities.
Parenting Advice and Reflections on Parenthood
Brian reflects on providing advice to his younger self, focusing on the importance of becoming more selfless as a parent and appreciating the insights gained from experience. He candidly shares mistakes made as a father, highlights the value of preparing mentally for challenging parenting moments, and emphasizes the significance of forging trusting relationships with his children.
Navigating Difficult Parenting Situations
Brian shares personal experiences of handling challenging parenting situations, such as finding practical solutions to manage overwhelming circumstances. He discusses strategies like meditating for stress management, prepping mentally for chaotic family events, and learning from mistakes to improve parental responses and foster a harmonious family environment.
Promoting Interpersonal Skills Amidst Technology Integration
In light of the evolving role of technology in family life, Brian emphasizes the importance of developing interpersonal skills and values in children. Acknowledging the potential impact of excessive screen time on social interactions, he prioritizes outdoor activities, limits screen exposure, and underscores the significance of human connections in an increasingly tech-oriented world.
Lessons from Startup Culture and Parenthood
Drawing from his experience in the startup world and as a father, Brian reflects on the intersection of startup hustle culture and family life. Despite the demanding nature of startup work, he underscores the importance of balancing commitments and adapting strategies to meet both professional and personal responsibilities effectively. Through his insight, Brian offers a nuanced perspective on navigating the challenges of startups and parenting.
Navigating Family Dynamics and Collaborative Decision-Making
Brian sheds light on the dynamics of decision-making in a family setting, particularly with multiple children and collaborative parenting strategies. By leveraging insights from his startup background, Brian emphasizes the significance of effective communication, shared responsibilities, and adaptive parenting approaches to foster a supportive and cohesive family environment.
Juggling Parenting Responsibilities and Personal Growth
In the journey of fatherhood, Brian reflects on personal growth and adapting to the selfless nature of parenting. By navigating challenges and evolving as a parent, Brian acknowledges the transformative impact of fatherhood on his perspective, relationships, and character development. Through introspection and shared experiences, Brian conveys the ongoing process of learning and growing as a father.
Prioritizing Mental Health and Family Well-Being
Brian emphasizes the importance of mental health and well-being within a busy family dynamic. By highlighting the role of exercise as a coping mechanism and family bonding activity, Brian underscores the significance of prioritizing individual and collective mental wellness. Through intentional efforts to foster physical and emotional health, Brian navigates the daily challenges of parenting with resilience and compassion.
Reflections on Parenthood and Decision-Making
Through anecdotes and personal insights, Brian shares reflections on the multi-faceted aspects of parenting and decision-making within a large family. By balancing experiences from his startup career and fatherhood journey, Brian navigates the complexities of raising children while maintaining an equilibrium between professional commitments and family life. Through self-awareness and continuous learning, Brian exemplifies the adaptive nature of parenting and leadership in diverse spheres of life.
Adapting to Family Dynamics and Collaborative Parenting
Navigating the intricacies of family life, Brian delves into the adaptive strategies and collaborative decision-making processes that shape effective parenting. By combining insights from his entrepreneurial background and parenting experiences, Brian illustrates the transformative journey of fostering a harmonious family environment. Through open communication and shared responsibilities, Brian emphasizes the importance of building strong relationships and supporting each family member's growth and well-being.
Brian Rothenberg is a general partner at Defy, an early-stage venture firm. He was the former Head of Growth at Eventbrite and has been a serial marketplace founder; starting a services marketplace that was acquired by TaskRabbit in 2011. He's also a husband and the father of four kids. In today's conversation we discussed:
* Pivoting your plans to follow your future spouse
* How to divide and conquer when you've got four kids
* How the family dynamic changes as it grows from one to four kids
* How to prioritize time with your wife amidst the "controlled chaos" of a large family
* Advice he'd give younger Brian and advice he'd ignore
* The wildcard of the "third child"
* How to give up being self-absorbed and become more selfless as a parent
* Mistakes made as a father and the most surprising aspects of becoming a dad
Listen or watch Startup Dad on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and Overcast.
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Where to find Brian Rothenberg
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brianrothenberg/
- Twitter / X: https://twitter.com/bmrothenberg
- Defy: https://defy.vc/
Where to find Adam Fishman
- Newsletter: startupdadpod.substack.com
- Newsletter: www.FishmanAFNewsletter.com
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/
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In this episode, we cover:
[1:45] Welcome
[2:06] Professional background
[5:10] Childhood
[6:47] His kids and how he met his partner
[8:36] Dividing/conquering in the household
[12:07] Managing larger households and controlled chaos
[15:21] Prioritizing time with your partner
[17:04] Brian’s wife stepping back from career for household
[19:23] His earliest memory of being a dad
[20:23] Most surprising thing about being a dad
[21:17] Advice for younger Brian/Advice to ignore
[24:04] His kids’ favorite book
[24:57] Partnership/natural conflict
[27:09] Where you don’t align with partner
[29:19] Kid’s relationship to technology
[31:27] How to give up self absorption
[32:43] Importance of exercise
[34:38] Mistake as a dad
[38:03] Startup hustle culture
[41:28] Where to follow along with Brian
[42:10] Rapid fire
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Show references:
Die Hard: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095016/
Indiana Jones: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087469/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3
Cocomelon: https://cocomelon.com/
Blippi: https://blippi.com/
Maclaren F1: https://www.mclaren.com/racing/
Patagonia Fleece Jacket: https://www.patagonia.com/shop/category/fleece
Vuori Sunday Jogger: https://vuoriclothing.com/collections/joggers
Crib net: https://www.amazon.com/RUNNZER-Baby-Safety-Canopy-Climbing/dp/B08NJGZQZM/
Defy: https://defy.vc/
EventBrite: https://www.eventbrite.com/
USC: https://www.usc.edu/
Yahoo: https://www.yahoo.com/
Skill Slate: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SkillSlate
TaskRabbit: https://www.taskrabbit.com/
The Lorax: https://www.amazon.com/Lorax-Classic-Seuss-Dr/dp/0394823370
Dragons Love Tacos: https://www.amazon.com/Dragons-Love-Tacos-Adam-Rubin/dp/0803736800/
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For sponsorship inquiries email: podcast@fishmana.com.
For Startup Dad Merch: www.startupdadshop.com
Production support for Startup Dad is provided by Tommy Harron at http://www.armaziproductions.com/
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit startupdadpod.substack.com
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