Autistic Culture | Where Autism Meets Identity! Holiday Expectations and Neurodivergence (Episode 90)
An episode that stims around the Christmas tree and reshapes holiday traditions.
In Episode 90 of The Autistic Culture Podcast, we explore how to have a joyful neurodivergent Christmas by prioritizing your needs and letting go of expectations. We discuss how autistics rely on routines, and how the holidays can disrupt them, leading to dysregulation and chaos.
Here’s what’s in store for today’s episode:
* Matt and Angela dive into how Hallmark movies portray the stereotypical, picture-perfect version of Christmas—a version that often feels far removed from reality, especially for autistics. They explore how these idealized depictions can create unrealistic expectations and fail to consider the unique ways neurodivergent individuals experience the holiday season.
* We discuss how autistics rely on routines, and how the holidays can disrupt them, leading to dysregulation and chaos. And since autism is genetic, many people in the household during the holidays might also be silently navigating sensory overload while juggling holiday pressures.
* The challenges of having family members who are autistic but don’t identify as such or seek a diagnosis, and how this lack of acknowledgment can increase masking for the openly autistic individuals around them.
* Having meltdowns around Christmas doesn’t have to feel overwhelming or unmanageable—as long as you have the right tools in place, like sensory supports or safe people to help you navigate the moment.
* We discuss the importance of advocating for accommodations and using the acceptance of those accommodations—such as turning off the TV, avoiding twinkle lights, or lowering noise levels for sensory reasons—as a baseline for deciding whether or not to attend holiday gatherings.
* How unusual and counterintuitive it is for autistics that physical touch, like hugging and kissing relatives, is so heavily emphasized during the holidays. We also dive into how odd—and frankly creepy—it is that kids are expected to sit on a mall Santa’s lap and share their secrets. We discuss the importance of setting and enforcing boundaries at holiday events, including creating a plan to leave early if overstimulation occurs or if the situation calls for it.
* Having a comfort kit is essential for an autistic person during the holidays—packed with stim toys, eye masks, comfort blankets, and other items to support sensory regulation.
* We talk about Matt's Christmas Dragon tradition, which he created with his son, and the importance of crafting personalized family traditions that cater to your sensory and emotional regulation needs.
* We discuss the autistic tendency to be thoughtful gift-givers, as we often pay close attention to and deeply consider people's interests when selecting presents.
* Holidays can be especially challenging for autistic people because we're not always able to access our safe foods. We discuss autistic food rules around the holidays, emphasizing that you don’t have to eat the family meal if it’s unbearable for you. Sometimes, a McNugget platter might be the best food tradition to introduce in an autistic household.
* Self-care strategies during the holidays are vital for autistic people. We share some strategies that might work for you, including creating a list of holiday comfort shows and movies, using Christmas-themed comfort blankets and candles, and doing the planning work to ensure your holiday aligns with your needs and preferences.
“So, if you’re listening to this on the day it’s released, you have somehow survived Thanksgiving if you celebrate. And now there is Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the day after Christmas, Boxing Day. There’s still all of the New Year’s expectations. And then there’s this entire week or two off school, which, if you’re a parent, you have your children at home and still have to figure out how to work. So everything is jumbled and out of order. If you’re somebody who has created a life and a schedule to minimize sensory interruptions and other jilted expectations, the holidays are here to fuck with that.” - Dr Angela Kingdon
“We are told what Christmas is, but yet there are an infinite number of variables that impact upon that. Everything from credit card debt to the thing that you’re supposed to buy, you can’t find.” - Matt Lowry LPP
“Create a safety plan, do self-care because honestly, the gauntlet between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day is just this long stretch of psychological horror.” - Matt Lowry LPP
In today’s episode, we dive into navigating the holiday season as an autistic person, focusing on how to manage sensory overload, advocate for accommodations, and create a comfortable environment. Thanks for tuning in! Share your thoughts on the conversation in the comments, and use #AutisticCultureCatch to connect with fellow listeners on social media. What tips or insights from the episode will help you this holiday season?
Resources:
Jade Farrington’s Community Guide to a Happy Neurodivergent Christmas
Related Episodes:
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