Permission To Grieve Your Abortion with Sally

Sally works at a clinic that provides in-clinic abortion services. On the days when she is handling administrative duties, Sally will usually be signing prescriptions, checking over charts and making sure patients are being seen in the appropriate way and getting to the right providers. She also provides on-call advice to patients who are post-abortion or maybe coming for their appointment soon. She answers all their concerns and explains what's normal and what's not.

Time Stamped Notes

[0:58] For abortions, Sally has seen people of all ages. Not very many of the patients will be under 16, but once in a while Sally will attend to patients under 16. Most patients will fall in the age bracket of 16 to 47 years. The patients will be from all backgrounds, religions and races. Sally notes that 59% of women who receive abortions already have children. She believes that mothers are more likely to seek an abortion just because they kind of understand the implications of what raising a child is for your community and for your family.

[2:33] There's two types of procedures that Sally's clinic offers. Patients can have a medication abortion or a surgical abortion. For the medication, the patient will come in, they will be given a pill and then the next day in their home, they take four pills to help the pregnancy pass. Sally explains that every woman experiences it differently. Some women may experience the worst pain of their lives while some may experience no pain at all, but usually the pain level is somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. The pain usually depends on where the patient is at in their gestation cycle. However, it is very common to have like menstrual leg cramps which the clinic provides pain medication for.

[3:11] Surgical abortion is much less scarier than the name implies. There's no cutting or scraping. It's really gentle dilation of the cervix and the removal of the pregnancy with a straw which is also known as a curette. Mothers are always more likely to opt for the surgical procedure just because they've had speculum exams before, they've delivered and they're a little bit used to that clinical environment.

[4:28] Sally often tells her patients that it's normal to have every emotion. When Sally first became a fresh screen abortion nurse, she expected a lot more angst from the patients. However, what she witnessed was a lot of relief. Clearly the issue had been on their minds for a few weeks or several days before they went to the abortion clinic where their medical issue was solved. Whenever Sally is in the room with a patient waiting for the doctors to arrive, they're always asking a lot of questions. In truth, the anticipation is actually far worse than the procedure itself.

[6:37] The law requires patients to wait 5 to 10 days after having their evaluation and blood tests. After the 10 day period, 90% of the women will still be sure that that is what they want to do. Sally believes that this is accurate for patients who arrive and don’t wait. 10% of them will probably go home and will not go through with it all the way because the clinic has excellent counsellors who will be able to spot when they aren’t ready to make this decision or don’t want. Sally, therefore believes that this statistic will not change whether they had to wait or not. Sally always tries to remind her patients that it's okay to feel sad and to feel angry and to feel just conflicted over the choice that they have made.

[12:58] For people who have had abortions, grief comes from different places. One is from feeling sad that they found themselves in that position. Secondly, grief may come from the reality of what it means to be an adult in this world. Abortion is a big decision and this is just an indication of crossing over to adulthood. People who find themselves pregnant often grieve the end of their childhood.

[15:37] Initially, Sally thought that the people who were having abortions were teenagers who found themselves in bad situations. However, sometimes people want to have abortions because they want to be in a place in their life where they feel they can raise a family and at the moment, having a child is not the best way to do it. This could be because they are not where they want to be in their career or they need some mental health services to get themselves sorted out or their relationship is pretty new and they want to give it time to breathe. Society nowadays has made many people feel like abortion is only appropriate when there are dire situations. However, women have abortions whether they're young or coming to the end of their reproductive years because they choose what's right for their community.

[22:41] Sally believes that if society didn’t stigmatize abortions, there would be less abortions because women would have greater access to birth control because of so much stigma around birth control where some people are acting as though that is a form of abortion as well. Research has shown that one in four women have abortions. By not stigmatizing abortions, these women would be allowed to grieve more and be happy. They would get to go through abortion as a rite of passage.

[26:06] Being able to experience a whole range of emotions, whether you're getting your first period, having an abortion, having a baby, it is spiritual practice, especially when you are joined with other people. Sally always feels this way when she's in a procedure room when a patient's having an abortion and they're being so supported. Their physician is there talking them through the whole thing and giving them whatever they need. Some patients don’t want to hear anything while others want to be given like a step by step guide. The doula is there holding the patient's hand and everyone is so loving and supportive.

[27:13] Some facilities won't use the term doula and they call it, support person and this is really what a doula is. The doula must not necessarily be part of the medical staff and the doula is just be there to hold their hand. A doula is like water and they're there to morph into what the patient needs in that moment. So typically it's waiting with the patient as they're getting into their gown.

[33:51] If you're a person who's just had an abortion and you're struggling with the feelings you're having afterwards, then just feel those emotions. That's okay. Be as permissive with yourself as possible. Allow yourself to be totally thrilled and happy and ready to just start your new life, but also to grieve what that other ship had for you and what this new ship you're on is like. Be so gentle and talk to someone.

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