True belonging requires the courage to stand alone and hold firm to our values.
Building trust and forging connections between diverse communities is necessary for creating a more inclusive and compassionate society.
Collective joy and shared experiences create profound moments of connection and reinforce our belief in something greater than ourselves.
Deep dives
The Power of Belonging to Ourselves and Others
Belonging is a spiritual practice rooted in the belief in our deep connection to one another. True belonging requires the courage to stand alone when necessary and hold firm to our values. It is not about fitting in or seeking approval, but about being authentic and embracing what is sacred to us. The need for belonging is fundamental to our human nature, and when we deny it, we often experience loneliness and disconnection. Building true belonging involves moving past the divisions and sorting that has become prevalent in our society, and instead choosing to connect with those who hold different beliefs and perspectives. It is about seeking out experiences of collective joy and pain, where we can come together in shared emotions and reaffirm our inextricable connection to each other. By fostering trust and creating spaces for genuine conversations, leaders can bridge the gaps and help heal our fragmented society.
Navigating Fear and Courageous Conversations
Fear divides us and makes us vulnerable to manipulation and posturing. In today's polarized culture, it is crucial to move beyond fear and find ways to connect with those who hold different views. Progressives in rural, conservative-leaning towns often experience a sense of fear and isolation, which can hinder their work and personal lives. Building trust and forging connections between diverse communities is necessary for creating a more inclusive and compassionate society. Leaders, whether in politics or faith communities, should seize the opportunity to facilitate conversations and bridge divides, even if it means stepping out of their comfort zones. While physical safety should be a priority, leaders must push for true belonging and challenge the status quo, knowing that the majority of people long for connection and unity.
Collective Joy and Shared Experiences
Collective joy and shared experiences play a crucial role in fostering belonging and connection. Whether through moments of collective joy, such as sporting events and concerts, or collective pain, such as natural disasters, these shared emotions bind us together and remind us of our common humanity. Holding hands with strangers, singing together, and celebrating together can create profound moments of connection and reinforce our belief in something greater than ourselves. It is in these moments that we can transcend our differences and recognize our inherent connection. Leaders in civic and faith communities should create spaces for such experiences and opportunities for people to come together, finding solace and collective resilience amidst societal divisions.
The Importance of Honest Conversations
The podcast episode explores the necessity of having honest conversations about fear and its impact on our behavior and relationships. The speaker emphasizes that avoiding or ignoring fear only perpetuates the cycle of pain and fear. It is crucial to acknowledge our fear and engage in open and vulnerable dialogue to understand ourselves and each other better. By confronting our fear and having these difficult conversations, we can move towards personal and societal growth.
The Elements of Trust and Belonging
Another key point discussed in the podcast is the importance of trust and belonging in fostering meaningful connections. The speaker highlights the need for boundaries, reliability, accountability, confidentiality, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity as elements that build trust. Trust is not just about words, but also about actions. It involves actively listening, being curious, and showing kindness towards others. The speaker also emphasizes that belonging is an internal sense that cannot be negotiated externally, and we must stop seeking confirmation of our worthiness from others. By practicing these behaviors, we can create spaces that promote trust, vulnerability, and genuine connections.
Brené Brown says our belonging to each other can’t be lost, but it can be forgotten. Her research has reminded the world in recent years of the uncomfortable, life-giving link between vulnerability and courage. Now she’s turning her attention to how we walked into the crisis of our life together and how we can move beyond it: with strong backs, soft fronts, and wild hearts.
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation-Brené Brown Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. Her books include The Gifts of Imperfection, Braving the Wilderness, and, most recently, Dare to Lead.
This interview is edited and produced with music and other features in the On Being episode "Brené Brown — Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart." Find more at onbeing.org. This show originally aired in February 2018.
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