Why Do We Celebrate Trauma (aka: Resilience)? with Dr. Gabor Maté
Sep 18, 2023
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Dr. Gabor Maté, a celebrated figure in the realms of trauma, stress, and addiction, dives deep into the essence of grief and its impact on health and society. He discusses the critical concept of personal agency and how its loss can manifest as illness, particularly in women. The conversation includes insights on inherited grief, the societal tendency to repress emotions, and the importance of community in navigating loss. With anecdotes including a poignant exchange with Prince Harry, Maté urges us to embrace pain as a pathway to healing.
Maintaining personal agency in grief is essential, as losing it can lead to extensive emotional and physical health issues.
Acknowledging grief as a natural response rather than a disorder emphasizes the importance of community support in the healing process.
Cultural rituals surrounding grief serve to honor lost loved ones and validate emotions, contrasting with modern society's tendency to minimize ongoing feelings of loss.
Deep dives
The Importance of Personal Agency in Grief and Healing
Maintaining personal agency is crucial when navigating grief and emotional trauma. Accepting advice from authority figures, such as doctors or loved ones, without questioning can often lead to a loss of self-awareness and authenticity. The discussion emphasizes that while it's important to listen to others, one should not relinquish their own perspective and feelings. Regaining agency involves recognizing one's emotions and making choices that honor those feelings, which can significantly impact overall health and well-being.
Long-Term Effects of Denying Emotions
Denying grief or other emotions can lead to severe long-term consequences for individuals. According to experts, many disorders and chronic illnesses arise from unprocessed grief, as individuals suppress their emotional experiences instead of addressing them. The conversation highlighted that grief should not be pathologized; instead, it is a natural response that requires understanding and support from the community. This collective acknowledgment is vital, as the inability to process grief can shape behavior and health outcomes throughout life.
Cultural Perspectives on Grief and Healing
Various cultures have traditional practices surrounding grief, which promote emotional expression and healing. Rituals like the Irish keening, Mexican Day of the Dead, and Jewish shiva serve not only to honor the deceased but also to validate the feelings of the grieving. However, modern society often leans towards a transactional approach, suggesting that once a period of mourning ends, one should no longer feel sadness. This diminishes the importance of continued connection to lost loved ones and contradicts the notion that grief is a lifelong process.
The Role of Community in Emotional Health
A supportive community is essential in validating emotional experiences and facilitating healing. The discussion pointed out that when individuals face the pain of grief alone, it can lead to worsening mental and physical health outcomes. In contrast, communal grieving, much like how elephants mourn their dead collectively, can foster resilience and acceptance. The conversation suggests that society needs to shift towards fostering environments where emotions are shared openly and where individuals feel empowered to express and validate their feelings.
Interconnectedness of Suffering and Healing
The dialogue explored the idea that suffering is intricately linked to personal growth and healing. Recognizing and embracing pain can open pathways to self-discovery and understanding, which are crucial for healing. Rather than viewing pain as purely negative, acknowledging it can lead to insights about personal experiences and societal issues. Through the lens of interconnectedness, it becomes evident that healing not only benefits the individual but can create ripples throughout their community and society.
Did anyone teach you that understanding your grief is the key to being (or becoming) a healthy human being? Probably not.
In this expansive episode, Megan speaks with world-renowned author and physician Gabor Maté about the role of trauma and grief in our personal lives and in society at large. Dr. Gabor Maté on grief, this week on It’s OK that You’re Not OK, the podcast.
In this episode we cover:
What is “personal agency” and why does losing personal agency create disease?
Why calling grief a disorder has social, relational and political ramifications
How do elephants grieve? Is it really so different from humans?
Women as the emotional shock absorbers for the rest of the world
Why we often ignore other peoples’ pain to make ourselves comfortable
Does taking pain seriously make you more hopeful?
Dr. Gabor Maté’s conversation with Prince Harry (!)
Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. The best-selling book on grief in over a decade, Megan’s It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, is a global phenomenon that has been translated into more than 25 languages. Her animations and explainers have garnered over 75 million views and are used in training programs around the world. Find her @refugeingrief