Holistic Trauma Healing with Lindsey Lockett Episode 129: Fixing vs. Feeling — Why Men Need Capacity, Not Control
In this episode, Lindsey speaks directly to men about a common pattern in emotionally intimate relationships with women: the instinct to fix instead of feeling. Lindsey dives deep into why men often respond with solutions or shutdown when their partner is emotional, what emotional capacity actually looks like, and practical ways to stay present instead of seeking control.
Topics Covered:
Why the instinct to fix emotional distress in women doesn't actually work.
Understanding emotional capacity vs. emotional intelligence or maturity.
How cultural conditioning leaves men with low emotional capacity.
Practical, real-life strategies to build your emotional capacity.
Three simple, powerful steps to respond to your partner’s emotions differently.
A special invitation to Lindsey’s men's cohort of Feel Without Fear, beginning June 19th.
Key Insights:
The need to fix is often a nervous system defense mechanism, not malicious intent.
Emotional presence means being with feelings, not immediately fixing or escaping them.
Low emotional capacity shows up as defensiveness, withdrawal, anger, or shutting down—but it's not emotional immaturity; it's overwhelm.
Building emotional capacity is about practicing awareness, regulation, and staying present even when uncomfortable.
Practical Tips for Men:
Regulate before responding: Slow your breath, notice sensations in your body, and ground yourself.
Reflect and validate: Instead of advice, reflect feelings back to her ("That sounds really hard.") and validate her experience.
Clearly ask for space while staying connected: Communicate your needs without severing emotional connection.
Join Lindsey’s Men’s Cohort:
Enrollment is open for Feel Without Fear, starting June 19th, 2025. This program guides men in expanding emotional capacity, becoming more emotionally present partners, and improving relationships through body-based nervous system training.
Links Mentioned:
Thanks for listening! Share this episode with a man you respect or love who could benefit from building emotional capacity and presence.