Living with Depression: John on Stigma, Self-Medication, and Finding Real Help

What does depression really feel like?

For John, it feels like an attack in his own voice — a relentless, negative inner monologue determined to erase his self-worth. In this deeply moving conversation, he shares what it’s like to grow up hiding depression, self-medicate with alcohol, avoid treatment for decades, and finally begin opening up about his struggles.

John’s story offers one of the most visceral explanations of depression you’ll hear. His metaphors — from a toxic guest in your head to a spreadsheet of self-worth where positives are erased and negatives multiply — put words to what so many of us silently endure.

If you’ve ever wondered what depression feels like or how stigma delays treatment, John’s honesty will help you feel less alone — and remind you that healing is possible.

Primary Topics Covered:

• John’s first experiences with depression as a teenager
• Hiding pain while appearing “fine” to others
• Decades of self-medicating with alcohol instead of seeking help
• How stigma kept him from reaching out
• Antidepressants as an imperfect but helpful tool
• The metaphor of depression as “an attack in your own voice”
• The spreadsheet of self-worth: positives erased, negatives multiplying
• The importance of hearing others’ stories to feel less alone
• His message of hope: depression does not last forever

Timestamps:

00:00 Terri explains the rebroadcast and importance of self-care
 01:34 Announcement: partnership with Mental Health America Wisconsin
 02:34 John shares why he reached out to tell his story
 03:15 First depression in adolescence — hiding behind a brave face
 05:07 Turning to alcohol as self-medication for decades
 06:16 Stigma and the fear of asking for help
 07:14 Antidepressants: benefits and frustrations
 08:00 John describes what depression feels like — “an attack in my own voice”
 09:38 The spreadsheet of self-worth metaphor
 11:10 Why hearing others’ stories made him feel less alone
 12:42 Conversation about commonalities in depression experiences
 13:02 John’s message of hope: “this will end, there is light at the end”
 14:37 Gratitude for his courage in sharing his first public story
 15:45 Closing reflections and reminders to speak up, listen up

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