the tara bixby podcast 80. Ian Kerner: Learn to Repair Your Sex Life
Dr. Ian Kerner likes to call himself the Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom and is one of the most recognizable voices in clinical sex therapy. He is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy, and working with individuals on a range of relational issues that often lead to distress.
He approaches psychotherapy from an integrative perspective, which seeks to explain human behavior by bringing together physiological, affective, cognitive-behavioral, neurobiological, and systemic approaches as they apply to the natural stages of human development and the wide range of human functioning.
Ian is also the New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including She Comes First. His latest book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, is available now wherever you get your books.
WE CHAT ABOUT...
- Why Ian calls himself the Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom
- Some common challenges couples face when it comes to their sex lives
- What a sex script is and how it can be useful
- The difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire
- How the brain responds to turn-ons and turn-offs
- What fantasy and mind based arousal look like
- The importance of making a ritual out of weekly sex
- Why you should be changing up your sex script to help with arousal
- What to do when you can’t shut your thoughts off during sex
- How to navigate through guilt and shame when you were raised in a sex-negative home
- What to do if sharing a fantasy, or role-play, feels uncomfortable
- What to do if there’s a mismatch in libido
- How fantasy and power play are a way of processing and resolving trauma, and that many find kink to be therapeutic
- Why labeling your partner as “sexless” or “sex addict” isn’t helpful
- How biological, psychological, sociological, and relational variables can negatively impact sexuality
- The homework assignments Ian would suggest if you wanted to change your sex script
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