Curated Questions: Conversations Celebrating the Power of Questions! Finding Good, Fighting Loneliness, and Embracing Self-Interested Curiosity | Brian Fretwell #08
"Connection is the sharing of one person's experience, that leaves both people better" - Brian Fretwell
Brian, the Founder of Finding Good, is on a mission to transform conversations. His unique methodology, rooted in the science of connection, has the power to turn listening from a transaction into a transformation. It's a beacon of hope for those seeking more meaningful interactions.
Brian has explored how listening can be the most effective tool for change when we use the right questions. He also touches upon the concept of 'experience vs projection,' highlighting how our own experiences can sometimes cloud our understanding of others. As a teacher in juvenile corrections, he saw how better questions influence behaviors. As a facilitator and consultant in mining, oil, and gas companies, he helped people see how better listening can help save lives. Today, he works with individuals, entire school districts, and large organizations to develop stronger connections through the power of questions. His TEDx talk has over 2.5 million views, and his social media posts have also garnered millions of views.
Brian weaves together how neuroscience, community, and our stories form the bonds of connection with those we choose to engage. During a portion of the conversation, he uses the Success Mapping framework to understand Ken's motivation for this podcast. He then introduces the 'blueberries' analogy, a metaphor for personal experiences, and explains how genuine curiosity about these experiences is critical to real connection and a path toward addressing loneliness.
This Curated Questions episode can be found on all major platforms and at CuratedQuestions.com.
Keep questioning!
Episode Notes:
Setting up the anchoring point for this conversation format [2:45]
The importance of story [4:55]
The vulnerability of sharing what we are proud of [6:52]
A changed view in how to use questions through the context of connection [14:15]
Experience vs projection [16:43]
Success Mapping [19:21]
The experience that kicked off the podcast that includes hope and gratitude [21:16]
Following the results of the Success Map [36:43]
Blueberries and how our brains are wired [38:10]
Leading with self-interest [41:25]
Intentional listening [46:54]
The four stages of interactions [48:26]
Deep connection with those you care about [52:51]
A practical example of a mutual value exchange [57:16]
Daily connection opportunities [1:01:00]
Ken sees a throughline [1:04:40]
Loneliness, identity, and finding connection in others story [1:08:09]
Connection, even across the political divide [1:14:53]
Zoom call conversations [1:17:54]
Changing organizational culture [1:20:37]
How else questions might be used [1:21:49]
The best places to find Brian [1:24:53]
Resources Mentioned
The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson
https://www.findinggood.com/the-basics/ promo code (CURATEDPERKS2024)
Check out other resources here: https://www.findinggood.com/links
Brian's contact info:
Questions Asked
What do you mean?
Which one is less dangerous?
Where did you feel success?
What day would you pick that kicked off the podcast?
But what would you miss?
What was different about that day?
How do you know you were looking for hope?
What was driving you to look for hope?
What is it that you had that allowed you to seek the hope?
Were there things you did unintentionally to develop strength of gratitude?
Who's one person whose life is better because you have this strength?
What did that person end up with more of?
Have you ever thought about the story in that way?
What can you do with it here?
Have you ever thought about your story in this way?
How interested did you feel I was?
how many times did you think to yourself, I'm talking too much?
How are you?
What was the best part of your day?
Can you tell me one good thing that happened to you today?
What part of my story you're interested in today?
What's the muscle that lets that happen?
How do I find myself in the other person's story?
Are you saying that we can even do that across the political divide?
What went well in the last week?
Any other thoughts or encouragement about how questions might be used that we haven't touched on already?
Where's the best place for folks to engage with you and learn more about what you're excited about?