PDA, Trust And Standards Checks

]Episode summary:

In this episode, Diana Todd is joined by Kat Tomkinson (Driving Instructor Kat) to discuss PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) and how it can show up in driving lessons when autonomy feels threatened. Kat shares practical ways to reduce demand, build trust, and keep learning non-judgemental — including using hypothetical scenarios and adapting communication. The conversation also covers Kat’s standards check: what the pressure felt like, how she reframed it positively, and how she prepared for success.

What we cover:

1. Kat’s journey into instructing after the COVID period and what she enjoys most about the job
2. Why many pupils / Instructors experience “resistance” that may actually be a nervous system response
3. PDA explained as autonomy threat → fight/flight/freeze/fall response
4. How seemingly neutral questions (“What could be improved?”) can sometimes trigger defensiveness
5. Practical lesson tools: visual aids, whiteboard scenarios, “future-focused” coaching
6. When offering choice helps — and when choice can feel like pressure
7. How to build rapport and trust so learners feel safe enough to self-reflect
8. Standards check experience: nerves, mindset, communication, and preparation
9. Preparing for the 40-minute “snapshot” when your normal lessons are much longer

Key takeaways:

1. Reduce perceived judgement; keep language neutral and future-focused
2. When someone is triggered, “backing off” can be the most productive move
3. Trust and rapport can be the difference between resistance and reflection
4. Standards checks are easier to handle when you keep CPD ongoing and reframe it as a positive check of your service

Guest links / contact:

1. Kat Tomkinson — Driving Instructor Kat (Facebook & Instagram)
2. Website/contact: drivinginstructorkat.blogspot.com