What If Work Hands You Divorce Papers? 💔

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“My industry wants a divorce, but I don’t.” - Anonymous

First off, I’m so sorry you’re being dumped. That really really sucks, no two ways about it. If we were best friends, I would rally to your side with a couple of pints of Talenti dark chocolate gelato, a cashmere throw, a bottle of your favorite wine, these very cute slippers from Nordic Peace and a list of fabulous tv series to binge and escape from the brutality of what you’re experiencing.

It truly feels like the break-up bug is everywhere. Hollywood might be the dramatic spouse in this story—Los Angeles unemployment is sitting closer to 6.5% while the national rate is just over 4%—but it’s hardly alone. Hotels and restaurants are ghosting their workers, with jobless rates around 6.4%. Gaming had a full-on messy split last year when one in ten developers got cut. And manufacturing and construction? They’ve been quietly packing their bags for months. Wherever you look, industries are walking out the door and leaving their people to pick up the pieces.

So how do you mourn the loss of your career when you don’t want to stop working but the work is no longer available to you?

Step One: Say Ouch

The first step after any break-up—personal or professional—is to admit it hurts. Say “ouch.” Literally. There’s science behind it: in one study , people who dunked their hands in icy water lasted longer if they said “ow” out loud, and researchers found pain tolerance jumped about 20% just by vocalizing. Turns out giving your pain a voice creates enough distraction that your body can cope.

But in Hollywood culture, and really, in a lot of industries, we don’t say “ouch.” We’re taught to keep it moving, to jump straight to “What’s next?” The trouble is, if you skip over the pain, it lingers. It’s like pretending you’re fine after the divorce papers land on your doorstep, when what you really need to do first is cry, scream, or curl up with that pint of gelato.

Saying “ouch” is your way of signaling to the universe: this hurts, something is wrong here. Only once you’ve acknowledged that can you figure out what comes next.

Step Two: Sadness or Grief?

After you’ve said “ouch,” the next step is to figure out what you’re actually dealing with … because sadness and grief aren’t the same thing.

Sadness is a temporary emotion. It’s the slump you feel when you get a pass on a pitch, miss out on a client, or get sidelined on a project. You bounce back.

Grief runs deeper and is complex. It includes sadness, but you may also feel shock, anger, distress, confusion, or numbness. Grief is the natural response to a severed attachment—the same way heartbreak lingers long after divorce papers are delivered.

Career grief is especially heavy because it doesn’t just touch your job—it impacts how you see yourself, where you belong, and what purpose you serve. It’s not “just” about the paycheck or the title. It’s about the story you told yourself about who you were and where you were headed. That’s why grief feels harder to shake.

And here’s where it connects back to the central question: How do you mourn the loss of a career you didn’t want to end? Distinguish whether you’re sad or grieving. If it’s sadness, immerse in self-care until the ouch passes. If it’s grief, give yourself permission to mourn. Acknowledge the shock and distress of divorce papers being served, regardless of whether the divorce actually goes through.

Step Three: Do You Wait or Do You Leave?

Once you’ve said “ouch”, clarified whether you’re sitting with sadness or grief (and given yourself permission to mourn), it’s time to ask: Do I wait for “reconciliation”, or do I pivot my career?

This is the limbo of career grief. You don’t want the split. You’d happily keep working if the work was there. But what happens when the other party—the industry, the company, the field—steps away? Do you hold out hope, or do you begin to imagine what comes after?

There’s no universal answer. Without a crystal ball, you’re left to lean on what matters most: your values.

What value am I honoring if I stay and wait?What value am I honoring if I decide to leave?

Psychotherapist Esther Perel reminds us that separation isn’t always failure. Sometimes it’s a reorganization into something different, healthier, or more honest. That wisdom applies here too. Even if you didn’t want this “divorce,” it may be asking you to look at deeper truths: What needs weren’t being met? How has your identity shifted? What kind of relationship with work do you want going forward?

And here’s where the mourning deepens. It’s not just about grieving what’s ended, but also the imagined future that may never come. That’s why the question of moving on versus moving forward matters so much.

Step Four: Moving Forward, Not Moving On

“Moving on” feels like: get over it, forget about it, it never really mattered. For those who don’t want to move on, of course that feels unbearable.

In grief, we don’t move on. We move forward. The love you had for your role or your industry remains, but it transforms. Moving forward means the history, talent, and experiences you built are not erased—they come with you as you begin to shape what’s next.

So, how do you mourn the loss of a career you didn’t want to end? You give yourself permission to move forward—honoring what was, carrying its meaning with you, and allowing space for something new to take shape.

Bottom Line

At the beginning, I said if we were best friends, I’d show up with gelato, a cashmere throw, wine, and cozy slippers. And while I can’t actually deliver those, I can remind you of this: mourning a career loss is messy, tender, and deeply human.

Sometimes the industry files for divorce and you’re left holding the papers. You may not have wanted it, but here you are. Saying ouch, distinguishing sadness from grief, sitting in the uncertainty, and choosing to move forward — these are the ways you honor the loss and yourself.

Gelato melts, jobs come and go, industries reorganize. But your values, your self-respect, and your capacity to reimagine? Those stay with you. That’s how you begin to move forward — even when the ending wasn’t yours to choose.

Related Content

* The 3 Things to Do After You Lose Your Job

* Why Does My Career Setback Still Bother Me?

* How Do You Rewrite Your Career Story?

Perks for Paid Subscribers

Moonshot Mentor paid subscribers get weekly journal prompts to spark personal and professional growth, guided meditations to help them center, reflect, and reset, plus exclusive career development and career grief workshops that build clarity, resilience, and momentum.

Here are four journal prompts for paid Moonshot Mentor subscribers. These questions are designed to help you reflect on the “divorce papers” your career may have handed you — and what mourning and moving forward might look like.