Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist known for her connection-driven parenting approach, joins Hal Chaffee, a father and blogger, and journalist Abigail Shrier, author of "Bad Therapy," to discuss the evolving landscape of child discipline. They explore whether gentle parenting has swung too far, potentially leading to permissiveness. The guests debate the efficacy of spanking compared to contemporary methods and reflect on how societal shifts impact parenting strategies, emphasizing emotional understanding versus traditional discipline techniques.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Tantrum in Public
Jessica's two-year-old son had a meltdown after buying a bike helmet.
She pushed him home in the stroller, ignoring his tantrum, despite onlookers' stares.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Stair Discipline
Emily Oster's mother disciplined her by having her sit on the stairs to think.
This method didn't work for Oster's brother, highlighting how discipline needs to be child-specific.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
We're Too Soft
Parents are too soft on kids and don't expect enough from them.
They struggle to handle trouble and rely too much on talking things out.
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1-2-3 Magic offers a straightforward approach to discipline by using a counting system to stop unwanted behaviors and encourage good ones. The book helps parents establish routines, strengthen their relationship with their children, and maintain a calm demeanor during disciplinary situations. It has been widely acclaimed for its effectiveness and simplicity.
Bad Therapy
Abigail Shrier
Abigail Shrier's "Bad Therapy" delves into the increasing trend of pathologizing normal childhood behaviors. The book examines how the therapeutic landscape has shifted, leading to the overdiagnosis and treatment of children for conditions that may simply be part of typical development. Shrier critiques certain therapeutic approaches and their potential negative consequences, sparking debate about the appropriate use of therapy for children. The book challenges readers to reconsider the boundaries between normal childhood experiences and diagnosable conditions, prompting a critical examination of current therapeutic practices. It encourages a more nuanced understanding of child development and the potential pitfalls of overmedicalization.
Good Inside
A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
Becky Kennedy
In 'Good Inside,' Dr. Becky Kennedy shares her parenting philosophy, which focuses on building strong relationships with children rather than merely shaping their behavior. The book critiques traditional parenting methods like reward charts and time-outs, which fail to address children's complex emotional needs. Dr. Kennedy provides actionable strategies and troubleshooting for various parenting challenges, such as sibling rivalry, separation anxiety, and tantrums. Her approach helps parents move from uncertainty and self-blame to confidence and sturdy leadership, emphasizing the importance of compassion and understanding in parenting.
There are a lot of different approaches to discipline, and they’ve changed wildly in America over the decades. On one end of the spectrum, there’s the old school, 1950s approach: spanking. Then, there are middle-ground approaches: time-outs, warning systems, consequences, and punishments. And then, there are the fairly new approaches on the way other end of the spectrum. These are the kind of approaches that claim that the right way to parent is not to punish your child, but rather to help your child understand why they’re frustrated and to help them work through their frustration. “Gentle parenting”—sometimes called “respectful parenting” or “attentive parenting”—has become really popular in the last few years, and if your social media feeds are anything like ours, you’ve heard all about it and been told you need to do it.
The question many parents are asking is: We have been told that spanking was bad, and we shouldn’t go back to it. But have we gone too far in the other direction? Has gentle parenting led us to permissive parenting, where kids are learning that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want? And yes, there are consequences of being too hard on your kids, but what are the consequences of being too soft on them? Today: How should we be disciplining the next generation of kids? And have we gotten too soft on them along the way?
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Resources from this episode:
Abigail Shrier: Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up
Dr. Thomas Phelan: 1-2-3 Magic: Gentle 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting
Dr. Becky Kennedy: Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
Raising Parents with Emily Oster 
