SmS #71 Vaishnavi Sundar on gender dysphoria in young girls, trans widows and women’s autonomy

In this powerful episode of Talk With Silje, I’m thrilled to sit down with the fearless feminist writer, filmmaker, and activist Vaishnavi Sundar for an unfiltered conversation that dives deep into the intersections of identity, ideology, and women’s autonomy.

As a clinical psychologist, I must confess I feel a profound sense of shame about how my professional community has often failed to critically engage with these issues, too often aligning with ideological trends over evidence-based practice. Vaishnavi, an independent Indian filmmaker known for her bold critiques of gender identity ideology and its global impact, joins me to share her groundbreaking work amplifying silenced female voices.

We unpack her documentary, Behind the Looking Glass, the first to spotlight "trans widows"—women whose partners transitioned, leaving emotional devastation. With raw testimonies from women like Jo Bartosch and Genevieve Gluck, and insights from experts like Helen Joyce and Derrick Jensen, it exposes the silence around these victims amid celebrated transition narratives.

We also dive into her series, Dysphoric: Fleeing Womanhood Like a House on Fire, a poignant exploration of gender dysphoria’s roots in misogyny, corporate commodification of womanhood, and Western ideology’s spread to India. Through animations, music, and voices of clinicians, detransitioners, feminists, and parents, it traces why young girls seek irreversible transitions to escape patriarchal pressures.At the core is Vaishnavi’s fight against “wokism,” a progressive ideology she argues erodes women’s protections by prioritizing self-identified gender over biological realities, often harming girls, families, and free speech.

She shares her journey from surviving abuse in India to facing protests and censorship in the UK. As a psychologist, I see trauma, cognitive dissonance, and social contagion at play, and I’m troubled by my field’s reluctance to engage critically due to fear of controversy.

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► CHAPTERS

00:00 - Start

02:50 - Goals and Impact of "Behind the Looking Glass"

04:02 - The Concept of Trans Widows and Family Trauma

05:37 - Personal Experiences Filming the Documentary

10:04 - Domestic Abuse and Societal Silence

11:56 - Inspiration Behind the Film and Connection to "Dysphoric"

19:59 - Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Marriages

23:20 - Autogynephilia

28:00 - Listening to womens trauma stories

33:40 - Vaishnavis childhood in Chennai

39:00 - Self-Doubt and Turning to Feminism

45:00 - Feminism in India and Norway

01:03:48 - Dysphoric

01:26:07 - Social Contagion

01:27:04 - Parallels to Eating Disorders and Puberty Blockers

01:28:46 - Comparing to Lobotomy

01:32:42 - Media's Role and Societal Blindness

01:35:00 - Lime Soda Films

01:37:22 - Challenges from Gender Ideology Criticism

01:39:02 - Celebrating Women's Work and Future Plans

► REFERENCES

Vaishnavi’s homepage: https://vaishnavisundar.com/

The dysphoric series: https://limesodafilms.com/dysphoric/

Behind the looking glass documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frffv2sB8zE&t=12s