Connection Codes When Your Partner Is Struggling and Real Talk About Recovery and Pain
In this deeply vulnerable episode, Dr. Glen and Phyllis continue their real-time conflict from last week, diving into the messy reality of what it looks like when one partner is thriving while the other is just beginning to recover from burnout. Recorded just moments after a morning conflict, this episode captures the raw, unscripted reality of navigating relationship pain when one person has no reserves left and the other is wondering when things will feel "normal" again. Glen and Phyllis, along with host Tera Wages, explore the invisible weight of mental and emotional labor in relationships, how partners experience the same events differently and arrive at different emotional places, the fear and uncertainty of not knowing how long a partner's pain will last, identity crisis and what it means to feel completely empty of reserves, the importance of getting curious instead of trying to fix, why processing pain 10,000 times is actually healthy (not a problem), how to support a partner who is in a season of deep transition, and the power of doing the Core Emotion Wheel regularly, especially during hard seasons. You'll learn why one partner can feel like they "sprinted" across the finish line while the other "crawled," how to recognize when mental/emotional labor is just as taxing as physical labor, the difference between desire and capacity in your body, why it's crucial to turn toward your partner and share your emotions in the moment, how to invite your partner back into connection when they miss with you, why identity pain is the greatest pain and requires the most patience, and the importance of slowing down and asking "Ooh, tell me more" instead of problem-solving. Whether you're the partner crawling across the finish line or the one wondering when your spouse will "bounce back," this episode offers permission to feel all of it, process it together, and remember that you're not broken—you're just human.
Chapters:
00:00:00 - Disclaimer
00:02:30 - "I Don't Know If This Is a 5 Year or 25 Year Plan"
00:05:50 - Phyllis's Perspective: "I'm Still Discovering Me"
00:10:40 - The Identity Crisis: Selling the Company and Losing a Lane
00:13:00 - Learning to Feel Emotions for the First Time: "Oh, That's What Burnout Feels Like"
00:21:05 - "I Have No Reserves": A New Experience
00:22:10 - Desire vs. Capacity: Learning to Listen to Your Body
00:24:10 - Different Experiences at the Finish Line: "I Crawled, You Sprinted"
00:40:00 - Identity Pain Is the Greatest Pain
00:42:00 - "I Just Want You to Turn to Me"
00:47:20 - The Lifeline: Using the Core Emotion Wheel in Hard Seasons
Links and Resources:
Take the Connection Codes Assessment
Watch previous episodes on navigating conflict
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