Lost My Pentecostal Faith Studying Mormonism - Anna Schreyer and the Assemblies of God | Ep. 1993
Feb 17, 2025
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Anna Schreyer, who grew up in a Pentecostal family in Utah and spent time as a missionary in Mozambique, shares her transformative journey of faith. She discusses navigating the complexities of high-demand religious environments, detailing her questioning of beliefs as she was shaped by both Assemblies of God and the pervasive influence of Mormon culture. Anna reflects on the emotional challenges of leaving a strict faith, exploring themes of healing, identity, and the quest for authenticity in the aftermath.
Anna's upbringing in a Pentecostal household provided her with a strong Christian identity intertwined with deep familial expectations and community dynamics.
Her vibrant experiences in the Assemblies of God community, including practices like speaking in tongues, highlighted the conflicts between authenticity and societal pressures.
The challenges faced during her missionary work in Mozambique led Anna to question Western Christianity's effectiveness and revealed significant cultural disparities.
Anna's exposure to leadership failures within charismatic Christianity marked a pivotal moment, deepening her sense of disillusionment and prompting a reevaluation of her faith.
The grief process for Anna involved navigating the emotional fallout from losing her community and the identity closely tied to her religious upbringing.
Her journey toward healing emphasizes the importance of forging new connections and embracing authenticity while redefining her beliefs beyond traditional faith structures.
Deep dives
Introduction of a Never Mormon Perspective
The episode introduces a unique perspective by featuring a guest who was raised in the Assemblies of God tradition but is not a Mormon. The discussion centers around how her interest in Mormonism and the Mormon Stories podcast led to a faith transition in her own evangelical Christian beliefs. Being raised in Utah, the guest shares her experience growing up as a never Mormon and how the dynamics of faith interacted with her educational and social environment. The conversation highlights the significant themes of exploring faith, identity, and community within different religious contexts.
Family and Religious Background
The guest shares her family history, emphasizing her mother's upbringing as an Assemblies of God pastor's child and her father's conversion to Christianity later in life. This background provided her with a deep-rooted Christian identity that informed her beliefs, practices, and social circles. The family dynamic revolves around their shared faith, integral to their personal identities and community connections. This reflection sets the stage for the complexities of faith as the guest navigates her personal journey in Utah.
Parental Expectations and Identity Formation
As the youngest of four siblings, the guest describes how she felt the weight of expectation to embody the family's faith values. Her parents instilled a sense of purpose and exceptionalism in her, raising her to believe she would one day stand before kings and presidents. This pressure, combined with her desire not to disappoint her parents, influenced her deeply. The narrative captures the tension between personal identity and parental expectations as she strives to live up to the ideals set for her.
Experiencing the Charismatic Community
The guest recounts her experiences within the Assemblies of God community, filled with vibrant worship and charismatic practices. This culminates in a significant moment when she is introduced to speaking in tongues, a rite of passage in her faith tradition. Despite not initially feeling genuine spiritual experiences, societal and communal pressures lead her to adopt behaviors and expressions associated with spirituality. Her journey echoes the conflicts faced by many in high-demand faith environments, grappling with personal authenticity against communal expectations.
The Impact of Serious Faith on Mental Health
As the guest identifies her rigorous beliefs and expectations, she also uncovers the profound effects these had on her mental health. Ana describes battling intense emotions and scrupulosity as she tried to reconcile faith with her life experiences. The need for approval and validation from church leaders and community members contributed to her stress and anxiety. The constant assessment of her worthiness based on her perceived spiritual performance became overwhelming and isolating, leading to a crisis of faith.
Transitioning to Mozambique
The guest's aspiration to become a missionary leads her to Mozambique, where she believes she will fulfill her purpose. However, this experience brings about a deep inner conflict as she faces cultural differences and the challenges of addressing socio-economic issues. Her encounters with poverty challenge her previously held beliefs about salvation and the effectiveness of Western Christianity. This emotional and cognitive dissonance shapes her understanding of global Christianity and her role within it, ultimately complicating her relationship with the faith.
Questioning Values of the Western Church
Living in Mozambique opens Ana's eyes to discrepancies within Western Christian practices, prompting her to question the genuine intentions behind many church initiatives. The disconnection between her experiences serving in Mozambique and the perceived self-interest of churches in the U.S. becomes a source of frustration. This realization adds weight to her internal struggle as she wrestles with the preconceived notions of what it means to be a follower of Jesus. In this context, she feels challenged to find her own voice and meaning outside of the narrow frameworks she had come to believe.
Unraveling of Faith and Identity
As Ana's faith starts to unravel, she turns to Mormon Stories for guidance and understanding during this tumultuous time. Learning about the complexities, contradictions, and historical criticisms around her own Christian faith mirrors her experiences with Mormonism, further complicating her beliefs. As she navigates her emotional turmoil, she identifies the weight of performance and expectation that had shaped her identity. The connection to Mormon Stories becomes an integral part of her journey toward self-discovery.
The Breaking Point
The culmination of Ana's faith crisis occurs when revelations about abuse and moral failings within prominent church leaders expose her to the darker side of charismatic Christianity. The betrayal and sense of injustice that accompanies this realization force her to confront her own experiences with leadership, reinforcing her feelings of disillusionment. This moment serves as the breaking point of her once fervent faith, leading her to step away from the community and reevaluate her beliefs. This process creates a profound and painful reckoning as she navigates the aftermath of her lost faith.
Grieving the Loss of Faith and Community
As Ana reflects on her journey, she describes her grief as both profound and multifaceted, stemming from the loss of community, identity, and the relationships she once cherished. The practical ramifications of leaving her faith weigh heavily, especially in terms of familial relationships and connections to her childhood church community. This grief process includes navigating feelings of shame, failure, and sadness, which are exacerbated by the stark contrast between her past beliefs and the realities she now faces. Ana's introspection emphasizes the deeply personal nature of faith transitions and the importance of allowing oneself to grieve.
Pursuing New Identities and Connections
As Ana navigates her evolving identity, she expresses a desire to find new ways to connect and make sense of her experiences beyond the confines of her past faith. Hosting friends and creating a welcoming environment in her home serves as a crucial step in reclaiming her sense of self and agency. The importance of community and shared connection is highlighted as part of her healing process from the loss of her previous beliefs. Ana's openness to construct new identities beyond church affiliation becomes pivotal for her journey of self-discovery.
Facing Internal and External Challenges
In her efforts to carve out a new path, Ana acknowledges the internal challenges she faces in navigating her relationship with faith, family, and her former community. The pull to return or conform to past expectations is a constant struggle that contrasts with her yearning for authenticity. Despite the pain of losing the comfort of familiar beliefs, she is determined to embrace her evolving identity and the complexities of life outside traditional faith structures. The journey casts a light on the ongoing battle many face when redefining their core beliefs.
The Road Ahead: Navigating Change
Reflecting on her experiences, Ana recognizes that her journey is ongoing and fraught with uncertainties as she forges a new sense of self. The process of grieving is intertwined with emerging opportunities for personal growth and discovery. She remains open to exploring different belief systems while incorporating the lessons learned from her previous faith experiences. This resilience serves as a testament to her desire for healing while continuing to seek connection and purpose in her life.
Finding Peace and Authenticity
Ultimately, Ana's journey toward healing is underscored by her commitment to honesty and authenticity as she navigates the weight of her past experiences. Each step forward moves her closer to a renewed sense of self, free from guilt, shame, and the constraints of her previous faith. It is this quest for peace that fuels her desire to engage meaningfully with life's complexities, advocating openness and vulnerability as central tenets in her journey toward healing. The path ahead is not without challenges, but Ana trusts in her ability to redefine her identity and find fulfillment on her terms.
Anna shares her personal journey growing up as a Pentecostal Charismatic in Utah, detailing her experiences within the Assemblies of God (AG) church, and the struggles and beliefs that shaped her faith. Although she has never been Mormon, Anna has a unique perspective of the LDS church as she grew up surrounded by Mormonism in Utah. Anna also delves into her time as a missionary in Mozambique, her eventual questioning of her beliefs, and the emotional journey of leaving the church. The conversation touches on the challenges of leaving a high-demand religion and finding new paths to healing and authenticity.
