People may fear giving credit because they worry it will diminish their status. But research shows the opposite is true: sharing credit actually boosts respect and trust. This paradox lies at the heart of status insecurity, a psychological trap that drives maladaptive behaviors and undermines relationships, careers, and personal wellbeing.

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the vicious cycle of status insecurity, its impact on individuals and society, and how we can gently rebel against its allure. We’ll also consider the story of self-help author Mel Robbins refusing to acknowledge poet Cassie Phillips or the pre-existing “Let Them” movement in her recent book. Does this move reflect elements of status insecurity?

What Is Status Insecurity?

Status insecurity arises when individuals feel their social standing is unstable or at risk. This can stem from comparisons with others, societal pressures, or personal failures. According to research by Katherine Hoff, Derek Rucker, and Adam Galinsky, status insecurity triggers a self-perpetuating cycle:

1. Status Insecurity: Doubts about one’s social rank or standing.
2. Compensatory Consumption: Buying luxury goods or status symbols to “prove” worth.
3. Financial Strain: Overspending leads to stress and anxiety.
4. Reinforced Status Insecurity: Financial and emotional strain further undermines self-worth.
5. Cycle Repeats: The individual doubles down on status-seeking behaviors, worsening the cycle.

This cycle is particularly prevalent in consumer-driven cultures, where status is often equated with material wealth and individual achievement.

The Reluctance to Share Credit

Status insecurity is fueled by the fear that acknowledging others’ contributions will diminish one’s own standing. Yet, studies show that sharing credit increases respect and trust. As Adam Grant shared on Instagram:

“Sharing credit doesn’t detract from your success. It displays your character. 17 studies show that when people feel insecure, they hesitate to celebrate others—and fail to earn respect.”

Ironically, withholding credit can damage credibility over time. When individuals prioritise image over integrity, they risk eroding trust and undermining their long-term reputation.

The Mel Robbins Controversy: A Case Study

The recent controversy involving self-help author Mel Robbins and the “Let Them Theory” may illustrate the dangers of status insecurity. Robbins presented the “Let Them Theory” as her own idea, omitting any acknowledgement to Cassie Phillips, whose viral “Let Them” poem and tattoo movement led to Robbins’ discovery.

This decision may have stemmed from the pressure to maintain her status as an innovative thought leader in a competitive industry that celebrates stories of “self-made” figures. Yet, as the truth has emerged, her credibility has been questioned, with many followers expressing disappointed and even feelings of betrayal.

Robbins’ experience is a cautionary tale: prioritising status over transparency doesn’t go down well in the long run. Honesty about the theory’s origins could have enhanced her reputation, demonstrating humility and collaboration—qualities audiences value.

The Broader Implications of Status Insecurity

On Individuals: It leads to stress, anxiety, burnout, and self-sabotaging behaviors like overworking or people-pleasing.

On Relationships: It fosters competition, jealousy, and transactional interactions, making genuine connections harder to form.

I once knew someone trapped in this mindset. Every conversation turned into an opportunity to boast about their achievements and experiences. Over time, the group grew exasperated, and this person was inadvertently left out of the proverbial weekend brunch invitation. Their presence created tension and unease because they believed that name-dropping, one-upping, and status-signalling were ways to impress rather than frustrate us.

Breaking the Cycle: Gently Rebellious Alternatives

We can avoid the dangers of status insecurity by recognising that the harder we fight for it, the worse it gets. To address it, we might adopt practices that prioritise collaboration, authenticity, and collective well-being…

1. Give Credit: Acknowledge others’ contributions. This doesn’t diminish your worth—it enhances trust and respect.
2. Change the Conversation: Focus on non-status topics like hobbies, values, and the stuff that you’re enjoying. This can strengthen relationships, reduce unhealthy comparison, and foster collaboration potential.
3. Celebrate Collective Success: Shift the focus from individual achievements to team or community accomplishments.
4. Define Success on Your Own Terms: Reflect on what truly brings you fulfillment, beyond societal expectations.

Reshaping Our Definition of Success

Status insecurity is a symptom of a culture that equates worth with external validation. By redefining success in terms of collective well-being, collaboration, and personal fulfillment, we can break free from this vicious cycle.

The Mel Robbins controversy serves as a reminder: prioritising image over integrity can backfire, while honesty and humility build lasting trust. How might we challenge the systems that perpetuate status insecurity and create a culture for all of us?

Over to You

Have you ever felt the pressure to prove your worth or status (or been around someone who was caught in this way of thinking)? How did it affect you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Drop a comment or send a message.