119. IFS for Couples: Why Understanding Your “Parts” Changes Everything

Ever feel like your emotions take over during conflict? What if there was an easier way to navigate tough conversations? In this episode, we dive into Internal Family Systems (IFS)—a powerful approach to understanding the different "parts" of ourselves and how they show up in relationships. We share how this model has transformed our ability to work through triggers, deepen our connection, and show up for each other's growth in a way that fosters security and desire. 

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) – The power of how we phrase emotions

(00:38) – Exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS)

(01:20) – How we use IFS in our partnership and why

(03:38) – What are “parts” in IFS? 

(06:27) – Uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves

(07:10) – The hero, the critic, and the scared child

(08:14) – How trauma shapes our inner system and leads to self-sabotage

(10:20) – Why IFS is a game-changer for couples

(12:06) – How IFS prevents CO-dependency and strengthens the “we”

(14:45) – The importance of shared language in partnerships

(15:50) – Conflict repair: Naming our parts de-personalizes triggers

(17:07) – How IFS turned a potential rupture into connection

(19:04) – Holding each other's parts together vs. rejecting them

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Internal Family Systems with Richard Schwartz
• No Bad Parts Book
• Inside Out Movie

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.