When You Want Change

&

Your Partner Isn’t Ready

Summary

What happens when one partner is ready to change—but the other isn’t? In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how couples navigate this difficult space. Drawing from the Stages of Change model, they explain how relationships often resist change to maintain balance (homeostasis), and why transformation inevitably brings discomfort.

Through live role-play, Kevin and MaryAnn demonstrate both ineffective and healthy ways to approach hard conversations—showing how to express needs, respond to defensiveness, and create safety for vulnerability. They unpack the Drama Triangle, attachment patterns, and the power of differentiation—knowing your truth while staying connected.

Listeners will learn how to prepare for meaningful dialogue, set boundaries with compassion, and build trust through accountability and follow-through.

Resources

Free Companion Worksheet: Available in the Human Intimacy Podcast Course at HumanIntimacy.com → Courses → Free Courses → Human Intimacy Podcast Companion.
Frameworks Discussed:
- Stages of Change — Prochaska & DiClemente
- Drama Triangle — Stephen Karpman
- Attachment “Dance” — Dr. Sue Johnson
- Four Horsemen — Drs. John & Julie Gottman
- Differentiation — Dr. Murray Bowen
Recommended Reading:
- Hold Me Tight — Sue Johnson
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman
- The Dance of Anger — Harriet Lerner
- The State of Affairs — Esther Perel

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