St. Louis is freezing, and Nikki's over the idea of her delivery people having to ride a bike. She’s got a theory about Melania’s hat, by the way. Also, she’s clearing up some plastic surgery rumors and swears she’ll always be transparent about what she's had done. Since the Globes, Nikki’s been in a bit of a funk and misses doing joke-writing work. She’s reading a third of Anatomy of a Breakthrough and hoping that it helps. Nikki and Brian question people who don’t get sarcasm. Let’s root for the Bills to make it to the Super Bowl and win, just for Nikki’s friend’s sake. Nikki is so done apologizing for looking like a hot mess at Starbucks—time to clean up her look. Oh, and neighbors? Back off, please. Brian went to this women’s bookstore event and, no joke, was the center of attention. In the Final Thought, Nikki shares some movie recs, and they swap hilarious flirting stories.

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#503 Clearing Up Rumors, The Middle & Brian At A Women's Book Event