Connection in Parenting | Date Your Wife | Ep 012

In the show that is sparking an opportunity for married couples to have conversations they wouldn’t normally be able to have, married co-hosts Danielle K and Garrett J White dive deep into the topic of Parenting in this week's real and raw Date Your Wife Podcast as they discuss discipline, connection and what really matters to them as parents.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Miscarriage

• Danielle and Garrett have a thoughtful and candid conversation about her miscarriage that happened while Garrett was in Florida speaking at the recent Click Funnels event. "As women, most of the time we know we are pregnant long before a test tells us we are, as we tend to be naturally intuitive about our bodies."
• Danielle was hesitant to tell many people she was pregnant because somehow she knew this pregnancy wasn’t going to last and she didn’t want to get her hopes up too much in case something like this were to happen.

QUESTION: If you have experienced a miscarriage, how has it affected you, your spouse and your children?

Point #2: The Puppy Parenting Strategy

• Danielle's beloved Weiner dog, Chloe, is 14 years old and has had a self designated poop rug in every house the White's have ever lived in. Garrett is Chloe’s master poop picker upper and Danielle claims cute Chloe drops those logs on the rug simply because she and Garrett haven't taught her well, nor have they been consistent with her, while Garrett swears it's because of doggy poop karma.
• Danielle: I suck at being consistent as a parent and am full of empty threats. I don’t even know how to parent my ten year old daughter. I’m always thinking of things to take away from her for her punishment or giving her time frames to complete things, but she doesn’t seem to care. She is so stubborn and hates being told what to do.

QUESTION: In what ways are you and your spouse consistent or inconsistent with your children?

Point #3: Conflicting Parental Strategies

• Although Danielle admits she has no parenting strategy, she feels Garrett's approach is too harsh and tends to get in between he and the kids when he is trying to discipline them his way. Garrett shares that they're a shit show in a lot of areas and that they really don't have much figured out when it comes to parenting, except in a couple of areas where they both admit they really shine at being parents: connection and family time.
• Garrett: Sometimes I’m not even sure how to respond to my children because we have such contradicting strategies for parenting. I’m very much in your face, aggressive and yelling, where Danielle obviously does not do this. Oft times this causes collision.

QUESTION: What ways of disciplining do you and your spouse tend to agree on?

Point #4: Take Off the Filters

• Garrett: As adults we have been trained to stuff everything down, we've been trained to not talk about the truth or reality. The one thing that I was worried about as a father was giving our children the space to be emotionally honest with us in our home, which means being able to talk to us about hard things.
• Amidst the fact that Danielle and Garrett admittedly have very obvious dysfunction in their disciplining skills, the one thing they agree to having is a deep connection and open communication with their children. There's no topic that's considered taboo or off limits. In their home, the kids are exposed to a reality check of how life really is, which includes debate, disagreement and open conversation.

QUESTION: Is the filter on or off at your home? What can you do to create a more open environment for your family?

  Point #5: Get Clear On What Really Matters

• Garrett: What exactly is your commitment to your children? You’re not going to win all of the wars in all of the categories. If you do, what you will end up with is a very sedated child who is doing a shit load of stuff behind your back. I need to know that my children can take care of themselves. I need to know that my daughter has the power to take a stand for herself when I’m not around or when Danielle’s not around.
• You’re never going to have a perfect situation no matter what you try to do, and you’re never going to have it all figured out and have nailed down every single aspect of parenting with your children.

QUESTION: What are the parts of parenting that actually matter to you?

 

Communication Challenge:

What is the part of the relationship between you and your children that actually works?

Date Night Topic:

What are the things that are non negotiable for you inside this relationship between you and your children - the things that you are going to battle hard on? What are all of the other things that would be nice to have but you're going to let them go or let them slide while you focus all of your energy on your main commitment?

 

Quote of the Week:

"You need to pick what your battles are. We are all trying to create a game that makes sense for our children and for us as parents. We are not perfect with this, we don’t profess to be, nor do we pretend like we have all of the answers. Something we do have is the communication and the opportunity to share."

--Garrett J White

 

"I’ve noticed on the topic of communication, because it is our strength with our children, that cousins, siblings, and people outside of the family feel like they can come to us and share things with us. We’re the safe place for people come to tell things to."

--Danielle K White