Societal norms and cultural shifts have affected the way we value and prioritize friendships, leading to the need for friend therapy.
Expressing vulnerability and maintaining friendships can be challenging due to societal expectations of masculinity, but affirming friendships and creating rituals can help strengthen bonds.
Deep dives
The Concept of Friend Therapy
The episode begins with the host discussing her therapist's suggestion of friend therapy, which she initially rejected. She explores why she had such a strong reaction to the idea and interviews relationship therapist Esther Perel to gain insights into the topic. Perel explains that there used to be no specific training for friend therapy and how societal norms and cultural shifts have affected the way we value and prioritize friendships. The host reflects on a friendship that ended and recognizes how friend therapy could have potentially saved it.
Unveiling Childhood Experiences
In a therapy session with Esther Perel, two friends, referred to as A and S, open up about their childhood experiences and how it shaped their friendship dynamic. They discuss feeling like outsiders in their small town and the different backgrounds that influenced their perspectives. Through their conversation, they realize that they had missed sharing important internal experiences with each other. They express admiration and jealousy towards each other's traits and achievements, and finally acknowledge that they both want the friendship to continue.
Struggles with Vulnerability and Masculinity
A and S delve into the challenges they face in expressing vulnerability and maintaining their friendship. They discuss the fear of being perceived as needy or less powerful, which they believe is influenced by societal expectations of masculinity. Esther Perel provides insights about men's struggles with power and connection in patriarchal structures. She emphasizes the importance of affirming friendships and fostering rituals to strengthen the bond beyond superficial connections.
Renewal and Commitment to the Friendship
The therapy session helps A and S realize the significance of their friendship and the misconceptions they had about each other's feelings. They express their desire to preserve and deepen their bond. Esther Perel encourages them to create rituals and regular meetups that honor their friendship. The episode concludes with a hopeful outlook on the future of their friendship and the potential for similar transformative conversations among other friends.
Would you ever consider going to therapy with a friend?Two best friends who call themselves brothers were drifting apart, so they asked psychotherapist Esther Perel to help — and we listened in. This episode was recorded in collaboration with Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel and a companion episode can be heard on her podcast.
