220 | Fathering Like a Boy vs. Fathering Like a Man (Gary Black)

Apr 7, 2022

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"We have to break the spirit, disciple these kids and send them on risky, crazy adventures so that they can get their own stories so they can keep telling the miraculous amazingness of how good and amazing our Father is."

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Gary Black

Gary and Lisa Black have been married for nearly two decades. Raising their blended family from pre-school to now adults with their own families. When they married, Lisa was a young widow with two young daughters, and Gary lost his first marriage and took full custody of his three small boys. When they married, their sixth treasured child, Noah, was quickly added.

In 2013, the tragic suicide of their 19-year-old son Michael Ryan Black threatened to silence the Black's voice through grief and despair, yet only furthered their resolve to fight for those who feel lost and unseen amongst the chaos of a broken world. Their past and future journeys of overcoming the loss of loved ones would turn out to be the gift and calling of their lives together.

Together, Gary and Lisa-Marie have not only raised a family, but travel the world to teach, impart and mentor the generation that they have vowed to serve.

The Blacks have invested their time, hearts, and lives into thousands of people through their coaching, mentoring, writing, and speaking to the World Race and G42 Leadership Academy. The Blacks believe with passion that we were all born to be loved by our Creator, and impart that message to those who find themselves stuck in religion, shame, and life's challenges.

Show Notes:

2:50 - The phrase "Horrible. Wonderful."
2:58 - Richard Roar quote; "pain that is not transformed gets transmitted."
3:27 "I started studying initiation of young men and what that actually looks like because America is the only country that hasn't. And then, you know, reading his (Richard Roar's) book Adam's Return, The Five Promises of Male Initiation
4:35 - "How are you going to hold that? If you're allowing God to transform that pain in you and wound your wounds? You're going to handle a good call, a bad call to say it's not going to throw you off emotionally."
5:15 - Gary's story
15:43 - Gary sharing the story of his son dying
21:38 - Further explanation around anesthetizing and numbing away pain
22:04 - "I challenged him, are you just replacing one numbness to another numbness, something that you could just do so you're not left alone in your thoughts?"
22:45 - "Father. Let this hit my spirit, not my soul."
24:30 "every single morning I've learned to work from rest. I don't need the weekend. I don't need the vacation. I mean, those those things are awesome. But every single one"
The BEMA Podcast - https://www.bemadiscipleship.com/
27:20 "If you can get to that spot and say because He's good and I'm good, I was born to be loved. I wasn't born to be right. I was born to be loved. "
28:08 - The Stages: The lover... the warrior, the sage. The king
29:15 - Four YouTube Videos - A Fatherless Generation
Fathering, Mothering, & Parenting | Fatherlessness Epidemic Part 1
Who is a teacher and who is a Father | Part 2
Fall out of Fatherlessness | Fatherlessness Epidemic Part 3
How to Break the Curse of Fatherlessness | Fatherlessness Epidemic Part 4
31:17 - The Differences of the BOY verses the MAN
33:19 - Boys look for momentary pleasures and men look for true lasting fulfillment. They build memories.
Unpunishable: Ending Our Love Affair with Punishment by Danny Silk
36:52 - "If I'm going to punish my kids and send him to his room, I'm teaching him to be better at me and sit in his anger. No, I'm going to go with him. And after his punishment has been 30 minutes of just what they love, right? If they're young kids, we've just got to shift our thinking as parents that, yes, discipline. But yeah, we love you even more."
37:37 - Malachi 4:5-6 "He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”
41:07 - "We have to break the spirit, disciple these kids and send them on risky, crazy adventures so that they can get their own stories so they can keep telling the miraculous amazingness of how good and amazing our Father is."

Video Series: "adding LIFE to the Dad Life" https://dadawesome.org/life/

Links from Gary Black

Gary's Website: https://garyandlisablack.com/
World Race: https://www.worldrace.org/
G42 Leadership Academy. https://generation42.org/
Four Video Resources for Fathers:
- Fathering, Mothering, & Parenting | Fatherlessness Epidemic Part 1
- Who is a teacher and who is a Father | Part 2
- Fall out of Fatherlessness | Fatherlessness Epidemic Part 3
- How to Break the Curse of Fatherlessness | Fatherlessness Epidemic Part 4

Links from dadAWESOME