What Not to Say to Your Anxious Teen with Sophia Galano

"Listening is fixing: what anxious teens wish their parents knew."

In this episode of Complicated Kids, I talk with therapist and author Sophia Galano about what teenage anxiety actually looks like, and why it is so easy for even the most caring parents to miss. Sophia explains that teens are not expert communicators. Their distress often shows up as irritability, withdrawal, "attitude," or "teen angst," and it can be brushed off as a phase when it is really a cry for help.

We dig into the difference between everyday worry and clinically significant anxiety, and how to look at both how often anxiety shows up and how much it impacts daily life: school, sleep, friendships, appetite, and basic functioning. From there, we explore one of the core traps for parents: rushing in with solutions ("Have you tried meditating?" "Just go for a walk.") instead of sitting with their teen's feelings. Sophia offers a gentle but powerful reframe: active listening is not doing nothing. It is an intervention that helps teens feel seen instead of "fixed."

We also talk about parents' distress tolerance, how hard it is to watch your child suffer, and how quickly that can push you into fix-it mode for your relief, not theirs. Sophia shares why parents need (and deserve) their own support, how to model boundaries ("I want to hear this, but I'm too fried right now. Can we talk at X time?"), and why that kind of honesty teaches teens to care for their own capacity too. Finally, Sophia walks through holistic supports, from sleep, movement, and time outside to different therapy modalities beyond traditional talk therapy, so families can build a web of support around their anxious teen.

Key Takeaways

• Anxiety is a natural human emotion. It becomes a problem when it shows up frequently and starts to interfere with daily life (school, friendships, sleep, basic functioning).
• Teens are not expert communicators. Their anxiety often looks like irritability, withdrawal, "attitude," or "teen angst," and can easily be misunderstood or dismissed.
• When you are trying to figure out "Is this anxiety a problem?", look at both how often it happens and how much it affects their quality of life.
• Parents are often right that strategies like sleep, exercise, or meditation would help, but leading with solutions can make teens feel dismissed or unseen.
• "Listening is fixing." Validating and staying with your teen's feelings is not passive. It is an active intervention that reduces shame and builds trust.
• A lot of "I need to fix this now" energy comes from the parent's own distress. Your anxiety about their anxiety is real, and it deserves its own care and support.
• It is okay to set boundaries around capacity: "I really want to hear this, and I also need 30 minutes so I can be fully present with you." That models healthy self-respect for your teen.
• Not all therapy has to look like sitting in a room talking. Teens may connect more with art therapy, drama therapy, movement-based work, coaching, or body-based modalities.
• Beyond therapy, it is important to consider sleep, nutrition, movement, time outside, and screen habits as part of an anxious teen's support plan.
• Parents do not need to be perfect. Self-compassion, repair after hard moments, and willingness to keep showing up are more important than getting it "right" every time.

About Sophia Galano

Sophia Galano, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and author who has spent over a decade working with teens and adults across residential, inpatient, outpatient, medical, and educational settings. Now in private practice, she specializes in anxiety and supports both adolescents and the caregivers who love them. In addition to her clinical work and supervision of associate therapists, Sophia is a certified yoga instructor and Master Reiki Practitioner, bringing a holistic, mind-body perspective to healing. Her first book, Calming Teenage Anxiety: A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Teen Cope With Worry, was published October 7, 2025.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

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