The Partnership Podcast How to Say "No" to Sex Without Leaving Your Partner Feeling Rejected
In this episode of The Partnership Podcast, Lauren and Trey share how they've learned to say "No" to sex — without creating distance, resentment, or feelings of rejection.
They start by introducing a powerful game from Dr. Betty Martin 's WHEEL OF CONSENT: -Like A Pro Training called "No Three Ways," and reflect on how it helped rebuild trust between them after a traumatic experience at a tantra party earlier that year. (Catch that story HERE)
Lauren and Trey explore:
- How childhood experiences around "No" shaped their adult relationships
- How they're working to honor their 14-year-old's boundaries
- Personal responsibility for orgasm (and why it matters!)
- How they navigate saying "No" inside their partnership — and when it does or doesn’t feel like rejection
They also model different communication tools they've found incredibly helpful, like:
➔ "Not now, but then"
➔ "Not that, but this"
➔ "I'm interested"
➔ "This benefits me"
The conversation gets juicy as they discuss why touch and sex often get conflated — and how unspoken "No’s" can create distance over time. They even do about 8 minutes of role-playing, modeling how to gracefully decline sexual invitations while still keeping intimacy alive.
At 43:00, they shift into an honest conversation about the differences between solo sex and partnered sex — and why they aren't in competition.
Trey asks at 45:15, "If I fantasize about another woman or use porn to orgasm, why don't you take it personally?" Lauren offers a fresh perspective, likening erotic materials to fast food 🍔 — satisfying, but not competing with fine dining 🍷.
Lauren closes by sharing the one time porn use made her sad — and why it was really about broken expectations, not the porn itself.
✨ If you want more tools to communicate your desires for sex and your boundaries without rejecting your partner, request a free 15-minute consult with Lauren today: www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult
About Us: Lauren and Trey are partners living in Central Virginia where Lauren owns and operates, SEX ED FOR YOU. She provides comprehensive sexuality education and embodied coaching to individuals, partners, and parents.
Through a biopsychosocial approach, Sex Ed for You works to restore positive and respectful approaches to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as increase the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. (WHO)
Sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and to the social and economic development of communities and countries. (WHO) When individuals are blocked from sexual health they are stunted from developing a sense of sensual play and enjoyment.
• Learn more about Sex Ed for You at https://www.sexedforyou.com
• Schedule a FREE CONSULT with Lauren today: https://www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult
• Learn more about partnered communication best practices on Sex Ed For You’s Instagram Page: https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you/
• Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos about sex, partnership, communication, and love: https://youtube.com/@thepartnershippodcast
Reminders: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you. Lauren is NOT a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy and Relationship Coach.
#WheelOfConsent #SexualBoundaries #RelationshipCommunication #ThePartnershipPodcast #sayingno #justsayno #rejection #sexualrejection